While waiting at JFK for my ride not too long ago, I was passing the time by sipping on some much needed coffee and people watching. Airports, with their mix of cultures and characters, are the best places to people watch.
All was going well until…out of nowhere…I saw it: a fanny pack.
I fought hard to keep that mini bag of in-flight pretzels down as I watched the dreadful fanny pack pass by. I just couldn’t understand it; fanny packs have been publicly bashed since the early ’90s, why do people insist on wearing them?
But fanny packs aren’t alone. There are so many fashion choices that people make that leave me wondering, WTF?! Sure, these things were cool 6 seasons ago, but time is a-passing, honey. Come join me in 2009.
I get that they’re useful, but a purse is just as effective. Fanny packs have been ripped on since as long as I can remember, so why are they still being produced? Those people should be fined for distributing such fashion atrocities.
Reverse-fit Mom Jeans
What’s worse than a fanny pack? A fanny pack over reverse -fit Mom jeans. I know you know exactly what I’m talking about: wide on the top, tapered on the bottom, reminiscent of Hammer Pants. They were a mom’s answer to jeans back in the early 90s, but fashion has evolved since then. There are no excuses. None.
Scrunchies are OK for one thing and one thing only: washing your face. Yet even after Carrie Bradshaw announced the nation’s disdain for scrunchies to anyone with HBO, people are still wearing these things out of the house. Are you people gluttons for punishment!?
Popped collars were all the rage in 2005, meant to signify some sort of “I’m the sh*t” attitude. But it’s 2009 now, people, and everyone knows the only thing a popped collar signifies is a major douche bag. Yet the douche bags of the world are still starching and layering those things. When will they learn?
The Rocket Dog Wedge Flip Flop
The women still rocking these beasts 1) are fashion morons or, 2) love when their legs look totally stumpy. Either way, these things should be burned.
Business in the front, party in the back. Great concept, horrible style. Much like the fanny pack, the mullet has undergone much controversy and bashing, yet there are those who still insist on rocking this party-gone-awry. If you want to look like a carnie, fine. There is clearly nothing we can do as a people to eradicate the mullet from our lives.
Can you think of any others?