Single. And Kinda, Sorta Rational. Sometimes.

It all…it all happened so suddenly. One moment I’m completely single with fewer prospects than an English major (I can say this since I’m an English major), and the next I have a guy friend sitting in front of me saying “I like you. I like everything about you.” And…uh…this is a totally weird a rare phenomenon but I like him too. We like each other at the same time!

I asked him if he’d like to be dating-ish. His response? He liked me enough to do away with the “-ish”. And for as much as I badger guys for being commitment phobes who don’t know what they want…I was the one who wanted to keep the “ish”.

It’s not that I don’t think he’s smart and funny and sexy and the coolest person I’ve met since Zach Braff (I know. I met Zach Braff. I’m excited for me, too). It’s just that I’ve jumped head first into things about seven times too many. And now that I know what can happen, there’s a little bit of hesitation to drop those three little letters that act as my flotation device. Am I smart or cynical?

To tell the truth, falling for someone goes exactly the same way every single time. You get giggly around them. You get antsy when they haven’t called, and then can’t hide your annoying smile when their number finally pops up. You don’t eat because joy and snuggles are fulfilling enough. And to tell the truth, it all ends the same way. In tears. And if not in tears, in a pint of Ben and Jerry’s mixed intermittently with shots of vodka.

I’ve heard of loving like you’ve never been hurt, but, come on, that’s ridiculous. Why would you take all of your experiences and shove them out of your mind just so you can date with all the wisdom of a libidinous sixteen year old? (There’s a reason no one wanted to sit with you at lunch in high school, by the way.) That’s terrible advice, loving like you’ve never been hurt.

Especially cause it’s not advice. It’s what I stupidly do every single time anyways. It’s like telling me to drink like I’ve never thrown up; it’s a bad idea that I already planned on. I know people cheat. I know people fall in and out of love faster than I can decide which panties to wear that day. I know people fall for the banging hottie at the local coffee shop while I’m still dedicating “Hey There Delilah” to them on the Mix (No wonder no one likes me). But every time a new flame’s hand brushes mine and those sparks fly, I just FORGET.

What I would rather do is learn to love like I have been hurt. You know why? Because I HAVE, and something should probably come from that. As in some discretion, wisdom, any sort of benefit at all. Just because there is finally (FINALLY) a guy willing and ready to completely open up to me doesn’t necessarily mean I’m willing and ready to do the same. And I don’t think I necessarily am required to, either; why should I have to force my emotions to move at the other person’s pace?

I don’t think it’s being jaded; I think it’s not acting like the same silly girl I was 5 years ago. It’s not even that he has to prove himself to me… I already know he’s a trustworthy guy, and as close to being a gentleman as the 19th amendment allows. It’s about proving to myself that I’m ready for my emotional side and my rational side to finally co-exist. And just because he says he’ll catch me doesn’t mean I absolutely have to jump…I have to make sure I can catch myself first.

What She Really Thinks Of… Guy Denim Trends
What She Really Thinks Of… Guy Denim Trends
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