I just went on a date with a guy who blathered on about himself (which is only okay when I do it!), and referred to women as, and I kid you not, “dumb bitches.” Since said date last Friday, he has not called me.
And I really, really hope he does.
Look, I like to consider myself an intelligent, rational person. But what I will never get is why a person becomes 10 billion more times appealing to me when they don’t want me. The day after our date, I was actually dreading the dude calling me…I didn’t want to spend a second evening with the most egotistical person since Tucker Max (who he, by the way, actually quoted. Good role model!). But as each day went by and no call came…I suddenly found myself only focusing on his good qualities. He was smart. He was cute. He was funny (maybe he was joking when he said women were dumb bitches…). Why was his unavailability suddenly turning him from nightmare to dreamboat?
I will admit it. It’s because I, like so many women, I am utterly addicted to the chase. While bitching and moaning that I wish guys would be more honest and just tell me what they want (and stop sleeping with my roommate when I’m at home for the weekend), I’m freaking encouraging their crappy behavior. Because it’s exciting, and I don’t know what to expect next. Because if they’re so elusive, it must be worth it… I mean, if they can afford to be so picky, they must give magic orgasms or secretly be the most intelligent person on the planet!
[Picture me yelling the next paragraph, both at you AND myself. I would write it in all caps for full effect, but I don’t want to remind any of us of our mothers.]
Guess what. Just because they reject you doesn’t mean they are suddenly more “worth it.” What it means is either a.) they are an indecisive douchebag who will string you along until he finally figures out how to meet his own selfish needs, or b.) they just don’t like you. Most women like to automatically assume option A, and if it helps your sanity to believe he is just a douchebag, then go for it, trash talk away!
But, even though it hurts a bit more…option B is okay too. Part of the reason I fixate on people who reject me is because I hate failure (I cried when I got a B in high school French). If someone rejects me, I suddenly feel the need to prove myself to them…and I’m guessing a lot of women have the same mindset: we may want them, but we want them to want us. But all the “chase” means is that you are spending a heck of a lot of energy trying to catch up to someone who left you in the dust miles ago. And with all the game playing and the jumping through hoops, when are you supposed to actually enjoy the relationship?
So if us women can really claim that we want nice guys, we can’t be focusing all our efforts on the dudes sending mixed signals or no signals at all. Because there are guys out there who will call you three days after a date instead of leaving you in some weird sort of two week limbo.
Don’t make him chase you while you’re chasing someone else…I’m getting exhausted just thinking about it.