Overheard: I Am Breaking Up With You

Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, and saddest things he hears on his college campus. And we know he’s not the only one who hears this stuff. Join the Overheard revolution! Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!

(Girl, raising hand in class.)

Girl: Wait, so … some languages don’t have vowels? That’s IMPOSSIBLE! How are you supposed to pronounce them? Do you have to guess? I can’t believe that! That’s so stupid! *scribbles furiously in notebook*

(Professor, teaching a class.)

Prof: Heaven is hard to describe. I’ve seen plenty of evocative depictions of Hell, but I’ve never seen a truly compelling vision of Heaven.

Student, interrupting: May I suggest one?

Prof: No. I want to talk about something else.

(Two guys, getting into their car.)

Guy: You ever notice that every time we go to make candles, one of us cheats on his girlfriend?

(Girl, complaining as she’s packing up to leave class.)

Girl: I feel like our professor likes giving us problems with gross pieces of meat. Like, one of the answers on the next exam will just be “BALONEY.”

(Girl, drunk, in bathroom stall.)

Girl: Hey. It’s me. I’m drunk and this is weird to do on a voicemail but I just made out with someone at the bar. I want to break up. Call me.

(Two guys, talking over coffee.)

Guy 1: What was Singapore like? How were the Singaporeans?

Guy 2: Kinda cool. They mostly read Waiting for Godot in funny accents.

(Guy, late at night, finds a guy asleep on a picnic table.)

Guy 1: Hey… dude, are you all right? Wake up!

Guy 2: Wha… man, no, I’m studying… yeah…

Guy 1: You’re gonna get eaten by a bear, dude.

(Guy, girl, hunched over a notebook.)

Guy: So… she’s a nurse?

Girl: With a giant bloody f***ing hammer, yes.

(Two girls, standing in line at the dining hall.)

Girl 1: Is Becky doing well?

Girl 2: Yeah, I saw her today. Almost broke my neck.

Girl 1: What?

Girl 2: Whiplash.

(Guy, girl, on couches.)

Guy: Holy s—! The hairy eyeballs have escaped!

Girl: Wait, did you just say that?

Guy: Friday afternoon, you know.

(Girl at a restaurant.)

Girl, to waiter: Can we have some more of these pumpkin things?

Waiter: You mean the burgers?

Girl: Is that it? Yeah, sure.

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