OMFG – Gossip Girl Finally Returns

Serena Van der Woodsen is back in the tabloids, Blair and Chuck are still smooching, and Nate’s dating the family enemy?

Sounds like we’re setting up for a season full of OMFG!

In case you’ve just begun watching (in which case you have got to go back and rent the first two seasons so you don’t miss out on a crucial aspect of pop culture), here’s a quick rundown of life on the Upper East Side to catch you up: Summer in the Hamptons is over and the Humphrey family has moved from their loft in Brooklyn to the Lily Van der Woodsen palace of luxury. Serena has just returned from a summer of trying to get her father’s attention, a feat that apparently is only possible by showing her face (and her chest) in every magazine east of New York City. After a summer spent sexing the gorgeous Carter Basin and trying to find Daddy Dearest, Serena is back in New York keeping more secrets and trying to keep Carter from spilling the beans.

Of course, the game where Chuck pretends to cheat on Blair with some blonde bimbo scared us all sh*tless. After last season’s cry-worthy finale, no one is ready for Chuck Bass to return to his bad boy ways. While we all get a kick out of Blair putting a dumb blonde in her place, soon the games end and when the former playboy starts using phrases like “I’m not Chuck Bass without you” and “Let’s stay in tonight.” It’s impossible not to swoon. I know I’m not the only one hoping that two totally messed up people can make love work out in the real world.

Storyline I’m most looking forward to for this season: Dan and Lily’s supposedly dead son is in New York, in possession of his birth certificate, and biding his time until he reveals his true identity. Meanwhile, he’s spending his time cozying up to Vanessa, who is never going to forgive this boy when she finds out that he is Dan Humphrey’s half brother. I mean, can the girl get any more tangled in that family’s drama?

Storyline I’m dreading: Nate’s grandfather is doing a good act of pretending like he wants Nate in the family despite Nate’s rejection of the family’s ways. Too good a job. When Nate steps off the plane with sexy Bree Buckley, the Vanderbilt family enemy, Grandfather Archilbald can’t wait to call up the family to embarrass the Buckleys for having a rebellious daughter.

Things that bothered me: Supposedly Nate and Vanessa spent the summer in Europe, so why is Nate cozying up to Bree Buckley and why has Vanessa been in New York all summer? And who really gets it on on an airplane? I know I’m always stuck next to the smelly, snoring guy. What gives? Additionally, besides some small arguments with Vanessa, Dan was kind of a waste of screen time that could have been devoted to hot sex scenes between Chuck and Blair.

And lastly – Jenny’s hair is still platinum blonde. Maybe I’m a little biased, but if I was crowned Queen Bee of a private rich kids school, I would invest in a better colorist. And maybe brush it a bit.

While I wasn’t really awed by much in the premiere (besides Blair’s wardrobe – in my next life I have GOT to be her), I definitely see the set up for some good plotlines. Serena will stop at nothing to find her father, even if it means degrading herself in tabloids worldwide. Blair is about to find out if she can handle life at NYU with roommate Georgina Sparks (don’t tell me you’d forgotten about that!). And Nate Archibald is about to engage in another affair with another hot woman.

Hopefully next episode will have a little more sex, a lot more school drama, and many more beautiful clothes. You know you missed them.

(Gossip Girl Recapper)

Saturday Read: Commencement by J. Courtney Sullivan
Saturday Read: Commencement by J. Courtney Sullivan
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