Cosmo Says The Darndest Things: October Edition

Oh October Cosmo, how you make me lust for the crisp weather and Fall fashions you print on each page (that I won’t get to experience until mid-October down here in good ol’ humid-ass Florida). I can’t wait to make Katie Lee Joel’s ridiculously scrumptious looking bread pudding, and I found your expose on why Audrina is the new Heidi intellectually stimulating.

Your interview with Megan Fox had me admiring her acting talents (who could forget her as whats-her-name in that one Lindsay Lohan movie ), and getting annoyed with her while she pretended not to know she’s hot. I was beginning to worry about finding material for this month’s Cosmo Says! Then I turned to page 72, so that relationship expert Matt Titus could explain to me “Why He Calls You a Nag When You’re Not.”

Cosmo Says: Because his Mom told him what to do for 18 years, every man will resent doing what their wife or girlfriend asks them to do out of the fear that they will revert back to childhood.

Kari Says: Seriously? I understand that this article is meant to make me LOL (which it did, but I was laughing at it, not with it), however I tend to disagree. It’s one thing when Cosmo’s ladies grossly over-generalize the male population, but dude—you’re throwing your own kind under the bus here! Scientific polling of actual guys (a frat-tastic sophomore and two first year med students) shows that this is BS: guys don’t have a problem doing favors for their s.o.’s (and it doesn’t remind them of their adolescent chore-list).

Cosmo Says: Men know that calling you a nag is hitting way below the belt and will send you straight into mid-life crisis mode.

Kari Says: I don’t care if you call me a nag, but you’re going to keep hearing me repeat myself until you actually do the simple task that I asked of you. Come on, you have to already know this!

Cosmo Says: Yep Kari, you were right. Men totes know “that [they] make your repeated requests necessary in the first place.” Unfortunately, they are physically capable of listening to only 20% of what you say.

Kari Says: Again with the demeaning of the male population. My boyfriend happens to be very attentive and perfectly able to not only listen to 100% of what I say, but comprehend and react to it. Amazing! Please stop portraying all men as semi-developmentally challenged cavemen who respond only to ESPN.

Cosmo Says: Obvi, men can only operate on 24-hour schedules and anything outside of that timeline seems “light years away.” If you really need to get him to do something, compliment his pecs before you ask.

Kari Says: A little flattery never hurts, but a better tactic “to make your request stick in your man’s head” is to write him a Post-it note. If you still feel the need to comment on your boyfriend’s buff-ness, you can emphasize the compliment by patting them and simultaneously slapping your sticky note on there. Much easier to remember.

Cosmo Says: If all else fails and he still calls you a nag, do it yourself.

Kari Says: I’m all for DIY, but if I asked my boyfriend to do something for me, it was for a reason! If it got to the point where he spent so long ignoring my request that I had to start crossing things off his to-do list for him, the end result would definitely be more nagging.

Thank you, Cosmo, for yet another enlightening look into the male mind. I can only imagine what the divorce rate would be in this country if we all heeded this advice.

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