Newsflash: No one likes to be dumped. It’s the ultimate feeling of being unwanted, unloved, and just not good enough.
Welcome to the last month of my life. After spending the last year hoping to do so, I finally reconnected with my high school sweetheart — someone I had tons of history with and who knows me better than anyone. After many, many ups and downs, it turns out that college life (even when it was the summer) was just not conducive to our relationship. I could sugar coat it saying that “we broke up,” but the truth is that I was dumped. Ouch.
At this point I should probably clarify that I’m not hating on this guy (or even angry), especially since his reasons for ending it were completely justified. That being said, losing the person you’re closest to is just not an easy thing to do. Not only are you losing what you had in the relationship, but oftentimes you could be losing a best friend as well.
So what do you do? As much as it might feel like your world is ending, spending more that 3 days in your pajamas on the couch watching P.S. I Love You calls for a heartbreak intervention. While the sting of being relationship sh*t-canned will stick around for a little while, it’s important to get back on your feet. I hope these tips will help.
Don’t play the blame game. While it’s really easy to start hating on the SOB who broke your heart, it’s important to remember that relationships often end. Unless your man cheated on you (in which case, I hope you dumped his ass), the breakup is quite possibly nobody’s “fault.” Chances are that you’ve both made some mistakes. Nobody is perfect, and for sure nobody is perfect in a relationship. As much as it sucks, sometimes things just don’t work out.
Reach out. You don’t have to do this by yourself. Your friends and family members have most likely experienced a break up or two, and they might have a few words of wisdom. (Or at least a bottle of Jack.) Sometimes, even having someone to sit and watch TV with you will help you feel less lonely and allow you to get all those feelings off your chest.
Remember that it’s okay to be sad. I know, it’s tempting to pull out the sour grapes and act like you don’t care – but it’s okay to be upset. In a way, it’s like grieving, and you just need to let the emotions run their course. Cry if you have to cry, scream if you have to scream, eat three Costco cakes if you have to eat three Costco cakes… Having your heart broken is a lot like riding a roller coaster, but it’ll be over eventually.
Cut off contact. I really hate this one, but it’s a necessary evil. Texting him “I’m so sorry” a million times isn’t going to make him want you back. Even if your guy pulled the “we can still be friends” card, being friends for the first little while could be a little too painful for you. What if he starts dating someone else? Give each other a little space for a couple weeks and if you both agree, slowly start making contact again. Just remember: being friends doesn’t mean you’re going to start dating again, so if those are your intentions don’t do it. But if you value this person enough to just be friends, give it a shot.
Don’t Bad Mouth. Sure, the douche-bag forgot your birthday (twice) and you’re glad to have him out of your life, but try to be mature. This is especially important if you have mutual friends. Once you start bad mouthing each other, they will feel like they’ve been put in the middle, and nobody wants that. Even though you’re resentful, there was a point in time that you loved this guy. You wouldn’t want him telling his friends all the embarrassing things that are wrong with you – do him the same courtesy.
No Regrets. Sometimes after a relationship ends, it’s easy to look at the time spent together as a waste. Try to remember all the positive things you will take with you long after this guy is out of your life. Memories are good things to hold on to, so try not to regret them. If nothing else, hopefully this experience has taught you what you really want out of a relationship.
Remember it will be okay. I’m not gonna lie, the first few days suck. A lot. It feels like your life is over, and you just don’t know what to do with yourself. They call it being heartbroken for a reason. It’s not a fun thing to experience, but have a shower, get out of your PJs, and eventually things will get better. You may feel like your ex was perfect for you, but just remember that the real perfect guy would want to be with you too.
How do you get over a breakup?