The Emmys’ Red (Hot) Red Carpet

So obviously the buzz on all the fashion blogs and entertainment channels today is centered on the red carpet from last night’s Emmys. I must admit, I only tune in for the pre-show to see what all the celebs are wearing and to get the scoop on who was hot and who was totally not. Why waste three hours of “I’d like to thank God and the academy” when I can Google all that shiz the next day?

And the stars didn’t disappoint. As I sat curled up on my couch, the gowns had me drooling and dreaming of the day when I would someday find somewhere (anywhere!) to flaunt a flowing, sparkling evening dress. Sadly, as I stared down at my Easy-Mac-stained sweats, I realized that I won’t be wearing anything haute couture unless I marry Hollywood royalty or strike it big myself. Oh, and somehow fit into a size 00. None of which seem too promising.

So, here’s to dreaming big and living vicariously though the smoking hot women who graced the Emmy red carpet while I sat home with a 2 liter of Diet Coke and a bag of Baked Lays.

I die (AKA: our faves):

Christina Hendricks

It was so freakin’ refreshing to see a woman flaunting her curves. Way too often, the few starlets with real bodies are forced into hiding under a flowy baby-doll dress. But Hendricks radiated a sex appeal reminiscent of Marilyn Monroe with a body-hugging gown that accented her blessings up top and her hourglass figure. Not to mention that the deep purple couldn’t have complemented her ivory skin and red locks any better. She clocked in at the way opposite end of the scale from our fake tanned, too-thin tabloid queens. Can I get a hallelujah?

Leighton Meester and Blake Lively

The Gossip Girl’s have a very high standard to uphold; gracing our television screens every week in the chicest couture outfits on the market, we all expect them to be up there on the best dressed list for every award show. And they didn’t fail to “bring it” at the Emmys. Not only did they each look fabulous on their own, but they complemented each other perfectly as they presented the award for directing in a comedy series. Blake rocked a hot red number with a way-low plunging neckline, while Meester updated the classic Grecian look with unexpected layers and voluminous knotted shoulders. If only frat parties were more formal (and I didn’t totally fear someone spilling Jungle Juice on me). Sigh.

Lindsay Price

Bravo for some effortless, understated beauty. Price radiated on the red carpet, without screaming for attention. She donned a trendy one-shoulder dress, with a brooch’s worth of embellishment, and draping sheer layers of magenta. She totally worked the simplicity factor, with effortless hair and makeup and minimal jewelry. Not that she needs much; that girl is gorgeous and the dress only accentuated what she’s already working.

Kill Me (AKA: Kill me):
All those beautiful dresses would never look quite as good if there wasn’t something equally awful to compare them to. So, while many of the stars had us gaga eyed, here are the few that had me cringing. Were these ladies under the influence (of heavy drugs) when they got dressed?

Victoria Rowell

Seriously? We love Obama as much as the next liberal college girl, and we’re are all for women taking a stance on politics, but is your dress really the place to make a statement? And where did Ms. Rowell get this “dress”? A 4th of July picnic table? Earth to Rowell, he’s already in office; you can wear a normal freakin’ dress to the Emmy’s.

Sarah Silverman

We imagine this is how things went for Sarah and her stylists:
“Ok, guys, here’s the deal. I’m doing the Emmy Red Carpet thing. I know – huge, right? Ok, so let’s find a dress that totally washes out my pasty white skin and adds about 100 pounds to my frame. Oh, and the bigger the saddle bags the better! I’m thinking ’80’s prom meets Cinderella’s evil step-sisters.” Kthxbye.”

Padma Lakshmi

The host of Top Chef looks like she had a run in with a blender on her way to the Emmys, with shredded straps and a mangled mass of roses on her hip. If I were Badgley Mischka I would be extremely embarrassed that I sent someone to the Emmy’s looking like they had stopped by Wal-Mart to pick up a dress, then swung by a craft store for a few silk flowers to “spiff things up” a bit.  Oh, and bravo (no pun intended) for making the skinniest girl in Hollywood look like she tasted a few too many Quick Fires.

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