Coupled. Oh How I Hate the Fighting

You know, when you decide to live with a guy all you can think about is the good things. Like how you can go home to him after a long day at school, how you don’t have to walk a mile to his dorm just to see him, how you’ll never have to do the Walk of Shame again, etc. But then you move in… and things are great for awhile…until the fights break out.

No couple is perfect. Someone in a committed relationship either is lying or has some miracle drug if they say that they never fight with their partner. It’s a normal thing, but sometimes it can get ugly. And by “sometimes” I mean “when you live with that person and can’t get away.”

Matt and I have had our fair share of fights, and usually it all starts because something small bothers us. And then we let it fester until it becomes one huge thing. Then all hell breaks loose! Even worse is that we’re both really stubborn people so it takes forever for either of us to apologize. That wasn’t such a big deal when we could just go to our respective homes to cool off, but now there’s nowhere to go. And that just makes everything worse.

I’ll admit, sometimes I think that maybe we shouldn’t have moved in together so soon in our lives. There are days when he can get on my nerves. And there are days when I want to pick up the nearest lamp and throw it at him. The fighting is just magnified when you’re sharing a space with your significant other. You react more strongly and say more hurtful things.

But once the dust storm settles, I realize that a lot of what we say when we fight isn’t really true. I don’t really hate him. I don’t really want to break up. And I really don’t want to throw a lamp at his head.

I remember my dad telling me a few months ago that dating is the easy part. (My parents have been married 30 years, so I’m usually very attentive when one of them doles out relationship advice. I mean, they’ve known each other since 8th grade!) My dad told me that a committed relationship is based on love, but it needs more than that to survive. It needs compromise and trust, especially when things get really serious – otherwise all of that love doesn’t amount to much.

So whenever things start to bother me, I just remember what my dad said about compromise. I make sacrifices to make my relationship work, and I know Matt does the same. Whenever he forgets to do the dishes after I ask him to, I don’t mumble to myself and hold in my anger until I scream; I ask him to do another chore instead. And we’re both getting better about telling one another what little things bother us so accidentally leaving the A/C on doesn’t turn into World War 3/one of us sleeping on the street.

We’re definitely still going to fight (trust me on that one), but it’s little things like this that are helping to make our apartment a peaceful place. No relationship is free of fights, but if everyone gives a little bit they can be free of the little-turned-blowout ones.

The Doctor Is In: Smelly Cat. Literally
The Doctor Is In: Smelly Cat. Literally
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