Monday is Yom Kippur. For all you non-Jews out there who will be spending your Sunday night watching Entourage (instead of standing and praying for 3 hours) and your Monday enjoying the limitless salad bar in the caf (instead of standing and praying all day…without any food or water), Yom Kippur is one of the holiest days for us Jews. It is a 24-hour prayer festwhere we apologize and repent for all of our sins for the past 364 days and get back in God’s good graces.
And then we get to eat bagels and lox and cake. Yum.
I didn’t think it was fair that only Jews atone for their sins on a yearly basis. I mean, I know we all have a few things we’re sorry about (or should be sorry about!). So I opened up my big Jewish arms (probably all that kugel) to all of the CollegeCandy writers to join me on this holiday and repent for their sins. They all turned me down on the whole fasting thing, but here are their apologies for their biggest sins of 5769…er…2009.
Kayla – California State University, Sacramento: Dear, Boyfriend. Please forgive me for always using up the squirt bottle of fake butter.
Kari – Florida State: Dear Boyfriend, Please forgive me for thinking dirty, dirty thoughts about Alexander Skarsgard at a somewhat unhealthy frequency.
Maddie – Tufts: Dear boss: Please forgive me for spending so many hours on Facebook this summer while I was at work. If you hire me again, I promise not to log in once.
Kim – Stanford: Dear 7/11 gas station, I’m sorry that my friend pissed in your cooler and stole a pack of gum while I looked on and laughed and you called the police and they pulled us over after about 5 blocks. Our bad.
Melanie – Northeastern University: Dear Liver, Please forgive me for my 21st birthday this upcoming Monday.
Nina – Michigan State University: Dear Ex, please forgive me for Googling your current girlfriend. I didn’t find anything good anyway.
Lauren – University of Michigan: Dear Random Guy Whose House Party I Crashed: Sorry I stole those Bagel Bites and cooked them in your microwave. And also sorry for busting in on you having sex when I was trying to sneak said Bagel Bites out the back door…which was actually your room.
Samantha – UC Santa Barbara: Dear Papa. Please forgive me for having sex in the back of your brand new Mercedes. Also, please forgive me for driving it far too recklessly as a getaway car (same night), wearing only an orange Victoria’s Secret push-up.
Thu – USC: Dearest friend. Please forgive me for posting and tagging all of those embarrassing videos of you even after you told me not to. They were simply too hilarious.
Elizabeth – University of Missouri: Dear high-school math teacher, please forgive me for throwing up under your desk at winter formal senior year… Lesson learned: Brandy and Bacardi don’t mix, especially on an empty stomach.
Cristina – Michigan State: Dear “forgot to ask your name but I know you’re a sophomore, too”: Please forgive me for making out with you and in the sweaty graffiti party basement and then running away to never catch your name. A true Cinderella story.
Elise – Stanford: Dear Mother, please forgive me for interpreting the word “Emergency” during the use of my credit card to include the immediate need of frozen yogurt.
Zahra – Northwestern University: Dear Various Weird Men that Hit on Me on the Street. Please forgive me for rolling my eyes when you pay me compliments. I shouldn’t insult your creativity like that since you always seem pretty delighted with your pick-up lines.
Elizabeth – UC Berkeley: Dear liver. Please forgive me for my alcoholic tendencies.
Carly – Grinnell: Dear downstairs neighbors, please forgive me for working out at 8 a.m. most mornings in big thumpy shoes on the thin wood floor.
Ricki – University of Michigan: Dear Steph – Please forgive me for yelling at you at 2am last night. Trust me, no one was thinking clearly at that point.
Kiki – University of Missouri: Dear Dad. Please forgive me for shutting the garage door on your brand spankin’ new SUV. This is why I drive the ’94 Dodge pick up truck.
Sarabeth – University of Texas: Dear guy who sits behind me in Bio; please forgive me for reading gossip rags during class…I know it’s distracting. My B.
Ness – Sheridan: Dear Dad, please forgive me for spending oodles of your money to move away and attend college. Hopefully you’ll get your money’s worth some day when I’m a famous writer. Love you!
Want to clean your slate? What do you need to apologize for?