Question for Tuffaleh?! Email her at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com for the answers of your dreams. Or, perhaps, public humiliation. It depends.
Dear Tuffy Luv,
I moved to the US from Africa in Spring 2006 for college. I had a boyfriend when I moved and we had been dating for over a year by then.We stayed in contact everyday via email, phone, facebook, video messaging and I always went back at least twice every year and spent about 2 weeks with him each time. Everything was fine until summer ’07 came around and I started to have friends and go out more. I met this guy that reminded me so much of my boyfriend (talk,act and even smelt alike). We started getting pretty close until he found out I had a boyfriend. We kinda drifted apart after that but every time we saw each other (like at a party) sparks start to fly again.
I finally got intimate with him 1 year after we met, but stopped seeing him after my boyfriend found out 2 weeks later (we are continents apart and he still found out). My boyfriend broke up with me and it took months of begging him over the phone and a $2,000 airplane ticket to get him back. I was genuinely sorry and I stopped all contact with the other guy. But then I go home this summer and we start to run into each other again. It started off with us locking eyes across the room to little flirts until I found myself in his bed again.
My boyfriend will not find out this time because I’m being EXTRA careful but I feel horrible cuz I have feelings for this other dude and it doesn’t help that I know he likes me too. I’m losing my mind because I don’t wanna loose my man but a part of me wants to keep holding on to the other guy. Summer is coming to an end but I know he’s gonna remain on my mind even after I return to school. What should I do?I’m in desperate need of advice.
I love my boyfriend so leaving him is not an option but how do I love him and really, really like someone else at the same time?
Actually, believe it or not, I’m not going to tell you to forget this guy. I’m going to tell you to forget your boyfriend.
First of all, I wanna say this: You’re doing years of long distance, and that’s hard. I do, however, think that it’s possible (as evidenced by many, many couples throughout history) if both people are really devoted. Unfortunately, you’re not.
Yes, you love your boyfriend. I believe you. But you cheated on him, girl! You cheated on him in two separate chunks!! The first time you only stopped because he caught you, and then you started up AGAIN and are taking precautions not to get caught! This is some seriously bad karma. You better cut that shiz out.
Sorry, honey. I have no pity for you. No one is forcing you to cheat. You know it’s unacceptable to the man you love and that he’d be horribly hurt if he found out, but you continue to do it. That’s some really sick love you got going there.
You are not exempt from being a decent human being just because you’re a girl.
So, here’s my advice:
Tell the boyfriend you’ve been sleeping with someone else. Give him the option to make it an open relationship (because, hey, then you get exactly what you want anyway). He’s probably going to choose to end it, but at least you’ll have stopped lying to him (and cheating on him, and humiliating him, and using him). When that’s all done, you can keep sleeping with this other guy or not–up to you. But I would really recommend that, if you love someone, you don’t treat them like this. Lying to strangers is screwed up; lying to someone you love is unforgivable.
Hearts & Skulls,