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Ask A Dude: Am I Only A Friend With Benefits?


Ask a Dude-1

Got a guy question that’s tearing you up inside? Don’t trust your girl friends to give you honest advice (because they’re afraid if they tell you the truth you will freak out and throw things at them)? Just want to try and understand what a guy is thinking?

We’ve got the dude for you. Send your questions to and he’ll give it to you straight. Because you can’t throw things at him, no matter what he tells you. Our dude is answering questions every Wednesday, so ask away!

Hey Dude,

Ok, so I have this male best friend. We have been super close for a long time and a few weeks ago we hooked up. I never really thought of him that way but after that night I’ve started to think about how he’d be a really good boyfriend. Anyways, since then we’ve been hooking up pretty consistently every weekend. But he only calls me to come over when he’s drunk. I realize we are entering friends with benefits territory but that’s not what I want. I mean, I know we love eachother as people and now it’s clear he’s also physically attracted to me, so it makes sense that we would be a perfect couple. I don’t know if that’s what he wants or how to find that out. I don’t want to mess up our friendship (although, after getting naked with him I’m not sure how it’s NOT messed up), but I also don’t want to just be his booty call.
Help. Please.

Best Friend With Benefits

Dearest BFWB,

Men are creatures of ritual. We love wearing the same funky jersey when we’re watching our favorite team play; we use the same cologne for years because we believe it gets us chicks; and we would probably never change our boxers or our sheets if it was up to us. You following?

Your BGF (best guy friend) is likely never going to change the situation, because he has a pretty good setup (naked time with his best friend, without many strings attached) right now. However, this doesn’t mean that strings aren’t wanted, it just means that he is very unlikely to change his conveniently nude ritual any time soon. Especially if he thinks you’re loving the way things are goin’ right now, too.

Unfortunately, women play this game with themselves very frequently. Here’s the facts: if you want to know if he wants more (and you want more)… ask him. If you don’t lay it all out on the table, and learn what he is really thinking or wanting from your “with benefits” setup, nothing is going to change. Of course you have to go into this prepared that he might really love the booty call, without loving the rest, but that’s the risk you have to take. And, let’s be real here for a second, isn’t knowing better than just dragging it all out? The relationship is going to be strained regardless at this point, so it’s in your best interest to just suck it up and put it all out there.

Be honest, speak up, and talk about what you both want (otherwise, you’ll be part of his man ritual forever).

Good luck,

I'm a dude. I know dudes. And I'll share what I know with you. Just ask!