Weekly Wrap Up: What Up, October?

It’s October now, which means that there’s basically only one thing to talk about for the next 29 days: Halloween. (I had a conversation with a friend yesterday in which he revealed to me that he plans to dress up as a sexy Ghostbuster on the big night. That’s right—he.)

But All Hallow’s Eve isn’t just about costumes and candy—there’s been a lot of seriously scary stuff happening this week. And yes, technically it was the last week of September and only the first few days of October… but just go with my metaphor. Among the frightening things we’ve written about in the past seven days:

– Spencer and Heidi are buying a house together, probably so that they’ll have a place to raise a litter of devil-spawn with flesh-colored beards and fake boobs.

– Speaking of fake boobs, girls from “Rock of Love Bus” make $1,500 just for showing up at parties.

– The length of the school year might get extended. I’m shuddering just thinking about it.

– In my three-plus years of college, I’ve probably had every single one of these awful professors.

– The scary smart kids at Caltech and MIT, who might accidentally kill us all with a wacky prank gone wrong…

– … unless they all get Type Geek Diabetes first.

– Tufts outlawing having sex while your roommate’s in your room, which isn’t scary in itself but will lead to some seriously horrifying conversations between Tufts students and their parents.

– Guys who do nothing but eat chicken nuggets while watching football, playing poker, and quoting “Old School.”

– Going through the nail-biting experience of wondering if he, like, likes you likes you.

– Everything about this post, which makes me want to vomit in terror.

– And most frightening of all: you only have three more days to win a laptop from CC!

Auf Wiedersehen, Chicago Olympics 2016
Auf Wiedersehen, Chicago Olympics 2016
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