My boyfriend and I had our first fight the other day and it was harsh. I’m not any good at fighting; the second I sense confrontation I shrivel up inside. But what made this fight SO hard was the fact that it was done long-distance.
LDR’s have their pros and cons, but fighting is a definite con. Why is fighting so much harder in long-distance relationships, and how can we make it easier?
You Can’t See Each Other
A good percent of communication is nonverbal. Body language and facial expressions are essential to understanding another person’s intent. When you fight over the phone, as in an LDR, you lose these important aspects and things can come out much harsher (or nicer) than you intend. To help remedy this problem, speak clearly and honestly to make sure you both truly understand where the other is coming from.
The Silent Treatment Is So Much Easier
All you have to do is hang up the phone, or refuse to answer in the first place. It’s a tempting thought when you’re really upset, but you’ll never resolve the issue without communicating. The best advice I can give you is don’t hang up! It’ll just upset you both more (your partner will be upset you hung up and you’ll be upset if they don’t try calling back). Talk through the issue and refuse to cut off communication until some agreement has been made, even if its just that you’ll talk it out more later.
No Make-Up Sex
The only good thing about fighting is make-up sex, and it’s pretty much impossible in an LDR. After a fight, we usually need some sort of physical contact (a snuggle or a romp in the sheets, you decide) to reassure us that everything is OK. Without physical contact, the hurt feelings may not fade as quickly and the fight might not feel over, even if it is. The only thing you can do about this is reassure each other that you love each other (say it out loud!) and keep communicating in all the ways you were before.
Do you girls have any advice for handling arguments in an LDR?