Halloween Costumes, Minus The Slutty

If starting to plan Halloween costumes mid-July is wrong, then I never want to be right.  I have absolutely no shame in admitting that I get semi-turned on when I see stores start stocking candy corn and Halloween-y (weenie…ha. ha. ha) decorations in September.  It’s the inner child in me.  Unfortunately, it’s time to grow up, and grow up I will do.

Yet, for Halloween, “grow up” doesn’t have to always involve wearing see-through lingerie and animal ears and calling yourself a “Sexy Kitten.”  There’s a difference between “Sexy Kitten” and “Naked Kitten,” something that many girls don’t want to understand.  I’m all for celebrating the one night a year when you can dress seductively in public and nobody can say a word, but I’m also all for those girls who realize they don’t have to look like a total hooker to get into the Halloween spirit.

So if you’re stumped for ideas this year that don’t involve thongs, ass-less chaps, or stripper shoes, here are a few ideas that are sexy but don’t make guys stop and question if you’ll be charging for sex later on:

Hipster: But, let’s be real, Hipsters are not sexy.

Wayne & Garth (Wayne’s World): Ingredients: a brunette and blonde, black t-shirt, trucker hats, glasses, plaid shirt, ripped jeans (all things easily found in a dorm). Imagine how much warmer you’ll be instead of freezing your culo off. Speaking of culo…

Chola: To some, that brown lip liner and drawn-in eyebrows look may be sexy, but since it’s more likely to scare the crap out of people, it’s even more perfect for Halloween.

Risky business broad: Oversize white button-down, socks, wayfarer sunglasses, some booty shorts (or, if you’re willing, tighty-whiteys) and if you want to add a hint of seduction, add a red bra.  A little sexiness won’t kill you…

Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, or that OxyClean Guy: Or anyone else who really stood out in 2009. Octomom? Jon Gosselin? Swine Flu? Lady Gaga? (Though I would avoid her costume with the fireworks boobs…that might get dangerous.)

Something actually SCARY: You can never fail with the classics: Witch, Vampire, Ghost, Zombie, Mummy, or just go as a dead version of yourself (always attractive).

Those creepy Guitar Hero characters: Everyone who is anyone (or everyone who will do anything not to study) has spent a long time looking at those band-members rocking out while you jam on the drums. If those don’t work, what about Mario Kart people? Or that crazy DDR dancer?

If you have the metaphorical balls and artistic capability: Then start tallying up how many people that will want a picture with you.

Decades: The 20th century had a pretty unique style in every decade, from the  flapper, to the beatnik, to the grunge girl and beyond.  With so many options to play around with, you must feel so conflicted.

After all those techno remixes to Monster Mash, pounding Courvoisier shotsk’s every time they say “Shots” in the song “Shots“, and the possibility of spending the night in someone else’s bed, you’ll be glad you skipped out doing the walk o’ shame in a bumblebee outfit.  Just hide under your Wayne’s World hat and plaid shirt and vow to never drink again until next Halloween.

And bonus points if you get laid while dressed as Garth…I would shake your hand right now.

When It Comes To The Booty Call, Always Be Prepared
When It Comes To The Booty Call, Always Be Prepared
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