Your Handy-Dandy Midterm Survival Guide!

The air is crisp, the leaves are changing, and you can wear cute scarves without looking like a jackass. We all know that that means… MIDTERMS!

October is the best month of the whole year: apple cider, long weekends (Columbus day), and Halloween parties galore. Of course, the world is a cruel place, so amidst all the fun fall festivities, we also get crushed with the madness of midterms.

I think it’s about time we stop letting a few little exams ruin the best party month of the year, so I’ve put together a guide with everything you need to enjoy your midterms.

Study-Group Sloshfest

A lot of people find it more tolerable to study in a group, and a lot of people find it more tolerable to be in a group when they’re wasted. Why not combine the two? Set up a study group, ask each other questions, and anyone who gets one wrong takes a shot. When someone passes out, use their skin as notepaper to write out difficult facts or formulas. They won’t forget the answers next time!

The Best Friend/ Boyfriend / Boy-Down-The-Hall with Adderall

I can guarantee that someone you know has an Adderall prescription. Find them and get to know them; they are your new best friend. If you’re able to obtain a few (or fifty) Adderall, you’ll be able to put off all your studying until a night or two before your exams, leaving your weekends completely free for apple-picking and Halloween parties!

Catch Swine Flu

At my school, the administration is so paranoid about an outbreak that they don’t even want students with flu symptoms to go to the health center. If you have flu symptoms, you’re just supposed to call and report your symptoms, then stay quarantined in your room for days. Since you don’t need to show any proof, it’d be easy to catch the flu the day before, say, midterm week begins. I’d check to see if your own school has similar policies.

Exam Comedy Special

So you got too drunk to learn anything during study group, couldn’t find any Adderall, and your school requires you to actually see a doctor before they diagnose you with the flu. Don’t fret just yet; all hope is not lost. Make your professor laugh with clever answers and they’ll forget all about the fact that you have no idea what you’re talking about. If you aren’t clever enough on your own, there’s always the classic find x ditty to fall back on.

These tips may not help your GPA this semester, but they will protect your sanity. Do you have any more suggestions for making midterm season a little more bearable?

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