Tuffy Luv Sez: Co-depend THIS!

being-codependent copyQuestion for Tuffaleh?! Email her at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and get that shiz answered!

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I have a wonderful, sweet boyfriend who I’ve been with for over a year. We were friends at first, and I always liked him from the moment we met freshman year (I’m a junior now) when we hooked up a few times casually but then seriously got together a year later. Things have been great so far but there’s one big problem: I’m very dependent on him. I try to spend as much time as I can with him, and although I have a close group of friends and get good grades, I put him as my number one priority. He doesn’t do that. He is involved in a lot of stuff outside of me, and even his friends have expressed that they want him to spend less time with me and more with them.

But Tuffy, I get anxious when he leaves me. We sleep together every night and I have gotten upset to the point of crying when I have to say goodbye to him in the morning. If he goes on vacation with his family or is away for long periods of time, I miss him terribly. I’m seriously attached, and I know it’s unhealthy. Help!

Separation Anxiety Girl

Dear SAP,

Honey, on the one hand, I want to say this is very sweet. You obviously really love this guy (and if he’s sleeping with you every single night of college, he probably loves you too) and it’s always nice to see.

BUT! Like you said, this ain’t healthy.

The good news is, you’re very, very close to a great relationship. You guys already get along, you’re happy, you’re loving, and you’re glowing with love and all that crap. All you have to fix is this one little issue and you’re set.
So here’s what you do: Make a list of things you like to do. Cross everything that he also likes to do or that you do with him off the list. What’s left?

Take the activities that are left on your list and schedule yourself to do at least one of them every week. Set aside time (say, Tuesday nights and Saturday mornings, or whatever works with your schedule) where you do one of the activities on your list, or you go have time with friends, or you even just have some lil’ ol’ date time with yourself. Boom, you’ve found your independence again. And I promise you will soon realize how much you missed it.

But if there’s nothing on your list after you’ve crossed him off it, you got bigger problems, my friend. In this case, I would advise you to take a little time off from your relationship. It sounds harsh and awful and you would never want to do it but, honey, you have to.  It’s not worth losing yourself in someone else. That’s not love. That’s obsession.

The point is to distinguish yourself from him. See? You can have fun without him. And Tuffster bets that the time you have WITH him will be even better for it.

Best of luck, SAP! Do this for a month and I bet you guys will be better than ever.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

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