Today was an unfortunate day. While perusing the internet, I ran across a teaser of Levi Johnston’s Playgirl magazine photo shoot. My curiosity got the best of me, and to say it killed the cat is an understatement. I think “made the cat look at a whole lot of nasty testicles…and then killed it” is more accurate.
I followed the link to Playgirl.com and was immediately overwhelmed by peen. (Note: I am not including the link here to spare your eyes.) Never have I ever seen so many schlongs in my entire life. All shapes, sizes and pube lengths; it was like my eyes were under attack by penis-shaped daggers.
This experience did more than force me to fight my natural gag reflex/delete the browsing history on the university computer I was using in the computer lab; it got me thinking about the presence of Playgirl at all.
Who in their right mind ever thought this magazine (now strictly online, thank god) was a good idea? Seriously. Do you know a single girl with Playgirl magazines hidden under her mattress? Have you ever sat around with your girlfriends and said, “you know, I really enjoy the sight of a good-looking penis from time to time”? (Ok, I take that back. I’ve probably said that once in my life.) Honestly, give me abs, give me back muscles, and give me a great smile, but keep the package under wraps, please.
Let’s be real, ladies; a flaccid penis is not a pretty thing. I don’t know about you, but I do everything short of remaining celibate (because that’s just unfortunate) to avoid the sight of one at all costs in real life – why would I spent $18.99 a month to load up on those images online?
Personally, the longest I’ve ever looked at a male member was in my anatomy book in high school. And I have to admit I once did extensive research on the uncircumcised penis. Fascinating topic, really. But since then, I’ll take a quick peek, assure myself that there is indeed something dangling down there, shut my eyes and then get to business. I certainly do not get my jollies by perusing photo galleries of men in the nude.
You can only stare at a man’s balls for so long before they start resembling your grandpa.
As far as I’m concerned, Title IX does not need to extend this far. Men can keep their Playboy, I’ll be fine over here with my copy of Cosmo.