I’ve done the Friends With Benefits thing, and, to say the least, I’m not cut out for it. Now I have this amazing guy in my life who I consider my best friend, but I’m confused over how I’m supposed to know if he likes me as in a relationship sense or if he just wants to sleep with me.
He texts me quite often, even if just to say hi or to see what I’m up to, or make sure I’m feeling better when I’m sick. We’ve gone out before with mutual friends and had a blast. We’re both more of homebodies, so he comes over to my place now regularly and we hang out. We’ve made out, but I end it before it goes any further because I don’t want the Friends With Benefits thing to happen.
So, how do I know?!
Hey Hey Confused,
Tricky situation, but let me Nancy Drew this mystery and break down the facts. First off, the guy wouldn’t text you or care if you’re sick if he just wants to sleep with you. Although texting might seem like a cop-out, in this day and age it’s a perfect vehicle for chatting someone up. Who even uses AIM anymore? Remember those days?
Secondly, it’s really great that you’re not putting out right away. Props. Not only are you protecting yourself and your feelings, but that also proves that he wants something more if he’s sticking around. This has clearly been running it’s course for a while; if he just wanted to get laid he’d have gotten frustrated and given up a long time ago. Guys are simple that way. Sure, we’ll pursue something that we can’t have, but if we’re just looking for a quick lay, there’s not a chance that we’ll text incessantly and baby you if you’re sick.
That sounds like he wants girlfriend material, not a few humps in a twin extra long. And throw a few bonus points to the relationship column if he’s hanging out with you and your friends.
No need to be confused, Confused. It sounds like homeboy is just a bit shy. Maybe you should help him step it up a notch and move the hang-out sessions to your favorite sushi spot instead of your dorm room futon. Or, if he’s not into the whole raw fish thing, you could just have “the talk.” I’m pretty confident he’s feeling the same way you are.
Hope that helps!
— El Dude
[Got a question for Mr. Dude? (And, no, that doesn’t include asking him out; homeboy is taken!) Ask it: [email protected]. He won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. He’ll be 100% real dude, 100% of the time. So bring it on, ladies.]