After three long summers of unpaid interning (and people say slavery is illegal!) I’m finally getting my own interns tomorrow. How quickly the tables have turned.
Of course I’m using the phrase “my interns” very loosely. One of the companies I work for is getting interns and I’ve been placed in charge of supervising them. And considering the entire company operates through e-mail and Facebook pokes, I’m pretty sure supervising them consists of g-chatting them weekly and asking “wassup.”
So unfortunately for me (and my dreams) there will be no coffee runs, copy machine assignments, or endless paper recycling drills. Unfortunately for my interns, I will be requiring that they refer to me as madam each time they address me in person and thy honorable Jenni each time they begin an e-mail. I’m only a few years older than them and I look 13 so I have to make it clear from the start that I’m in charge.
In fact, I might just drill that point home by adding a dress code chapter to the intern guidebook (an 80-page manual that chronicles my life from birth to present) that I so generously wrote for them. Nothing too fancy of course, basic black-tie casual attire should do.
I don’t plan to be a complete lunatic as their internship-coordinator-life skills-director-inspirational-influencer (just the new title I added to my resume). I want them to leave this internship with crazy experiences that they can eventually exaggerate successfully on a resume. After all, I never would have gotten where I am today if I hadn’t listed this job on my resume as CollegeCandy Founder, Owner, & Contributor — it sounds a lot flashier and important than self-obsessed blogger.
The learning begins early tomorrow and I have a busy first day orientation planned for them that involves reading about the company, prank calling my friends at work, and commenting excessively on this post. While I can’t even begin to predict how much my interns will have learned by this time next week, I can safely predict that I may be demoted and will no longer be able to call myself an internship-coordinator-life skills-director-inspirational-influencer.