The Hills: Later, Losers!

So there it was: the season finale of The Hills.

You’d think MTV would give Kristin a little more time to pack up her things and get out of the house they rented for her, but no; they pushed her out on the last day of filming. Where will she go? I mean, I know Justin offered her to “check out my spot” (which, in my Justin Bobby dictionary, translates to “crash with me”), but I imagine that isn’t up to her lavish, beachfront living standards.

I don’t know about you, but I think there’s a reason The Hills has never shot at Justin Bobby’s house. I’m picturing a dark, musty basement studio with leather and hair product everywhere. And a shower that’s never been used.

But if Kristin didn’t go there, what other options does she have? She can’t go back to her dad/yoga-stepmom’s house in Laguna – MTV was clearly paying for that one, too. And they probably packed up their protein shakes months ago. The only other person she’s got to turn to is Stacie and I’m pretty sure she lives in the backroom of that nasty bar she used to work at.

I guess Kristin better hope and pray that the ratings of this show didn’t drop low enough to end it. Homegirl needs an MTV house or she’ll be shacking up at casa de Brody and Jayde.

Cuz you know those two are bunking up somewhere in L.A. I know MTV spent 6 whole minutes (which is like half of the show, really) making us all believe that Brody was finally done with her, but everyone with an US Weekly subscription (or a few minutes in the checkout lane at CVS) knows those two losers are still doin’ it. And that’s fine… if Jayde is a phenomenal actress and really isn’t as annoying in real life as she is on the show. Maybe she’s actually intelligent; she doesn’t drag out all her words and turn 1 syllable-words into 2 (“Whyyyyyya?”); that 99% of the conversations she has with Brody aren’t juvenile and full of fighting words (“I mean you were the one that was the jerk. I’ve forgiven you so you should be happy that I’m even talking to you about this right now.”).

Maybe she isn’t totally pathetic.

But she probably is. Much like her co-star Audrina. And, just so you know, I thought she was pathetic long before she wore that weird hat on that shopping trip with Lo. Audrina has always been a sad, pathetic little puppy and she took it even further last night when she went to visit Justin for “the last time.” Sure, she told Lo (and maybe even herself) that she just wanted to end things, but, really, weren’t things already ended? Putting on that hot outfit and meeting up at a romantic waterfront location made it obvious to anyone who’s ever sunk pretty low for a guy who treats them like crap (read: me) that she was hoping looking good/saying the right things would bring him back.

But her plan failed. They fought once again, Audrina’s perfect hair got ruined by the wind and Justin vroom-vroomed back into Kristin’s arms. He even let her wear his jacket! (Thank god he was wearing something underneath it this time.) As the sun was setting over Malibu, I imagine Justin Bobby was whispering nonsense/poetry into Kristin’s ear. How romantic…

And that was the end. Not sure what’s comin’ next, or if anything is coming next. We’ll just have to wait. In the meantime, though, we can catch up on our reading. I hear Speidi have a thrilling new book out.

Oh yeah. Speaking of which – Spencer wants to have a baby.
FML.

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