He’s Just Not That Into You: The College Edition

When I read He’s Just Not That Into You, I loved it except for one thing: so many of the scenarios aren’t applicable to college girls. I mean, just because a guy isn’t asking to marry us right now does not necessarily mean he has no interest in us!

So here’s my gift to you: He’s Just Not That Into You: The College Edition. Use this and figure out if he’s really into you, or just really into getting in your pants.

He’s just not that into you if: he’s “too busy for a girlfriend.” Um, we’re in college. We’re all really busy. I have to go to classes, do homework, attend meetings, hang out with friends, write for this here publication, the list goes on. But when I like someone, you can bet your pretty little face I’ll make some time to hang out with them, and eventually date them if I like them enough. Boys, as weird as they may be, will do the same.

He’s just not that into you if: he doesn’t ask you questions about yourself. I use this one to do a little test to see if a guy actually likes me. I’ll mention something about myself when it fits with the conversation we’re having. Like, if we’re talking about blogs I’ll say “Oh, I write for an awesome website.” If the guy just nods then rambles about some blog he frequents, I’ve got a huge hint as to his feelings about me. If he asks which fabulous site I write for, what I write about, etc. then I assume he actually cares. (And then I edit what I write about him on the site…. he’s gonna be reading it now, after all!)

He’s just not that into you if: he knows you know about other girls he’s messing around/trying to mess around with, but he doesn’t stop. I know, it’s college and hooking up is a popular extracurricular activity. But if a guy wants you to take him seriously, he won’t like that you have to hear about him hooking up with other girls. More importantly, he won’t want to hurt you. And no, ladies, this does not mean that if he tries to hide this from you, he likes you.

He’s just not that into you if: he puts you down. I’m not talking about teasing, which can be a fun way to flirt. I mean “you’re fat,” “you have no friends,” “I’m always the better one in this relationship,” type stuff. Don’t put up with that from a guy, ever.

He’s just not that into you if: he’s all over other girls in front of you. Yes, guys can be extra friendly. They can also be audacious enough to hit on other girls in front of your face. At times it can be a fine line, but it’s not a good sign when they cross it.

He’s just not that into you if: you guys haven’t been hooking up for very long and he doesn’t care about grossing you out/being rude. I was lying in a guy’s bed, about to drift off when he decided it was the right time to tell me he farts in his sleep (which wouldn’t be well timed, like these). Completely unnecessary, but hey, thanks for giving me a good reason to get the hell out of there!

He’s just not that into you if: he only focuses on himself during sex. When you like someone, you like to please them, plain and simple. He might be nervous that he’s not a sexual savant but if he likes you, he’ll want to try.

He’s just not that into you if: he pretty much kicks you out of bed the next morning. If he wakes up, looks at you, and the first words out of his mouth are “When are you leaving?” (or some variation with the same message) you can assume he doesn’t have a burning desire to date you.

He’s just not that into you if: he doesn’t say hi to you when he sees you somewhere. No, he’s not nervous. No, he’s not trying to come up with the perfect opening line. No, he’s not waiting until he can go check his hair in a mirror. He might not remember who you are (not a good sign), or, worse, he might just not care.

He’s just not that into you if: he only mass texts you. You open a text and see “Hey grl. Wat r u doin? I’m bored, wna come watch a movie?” Your friends all open their phones to the same text. Charming. If this happens, shoot him an “LOL” and be done with it.

He’s just not that into you if: he only texts you, period. I don’t care if he has unlimited texts, guys will take time to call the girls they like.

He’s just not that into you if: he has to get drunk every time you hang out. Think about it: if he was completely hammered at that party you went to together last night, more than buzzed at that dinner a few days ago, and stumbling over his words at breakfast a week ago…you have a problem on your hands. Or maybe he has the problem and should be referred to AA.

He’s just not that into you if: he hits on your best friend. It’s unlikely that he’s trying to make you jealous. When I’ve explained this hopeful theory to my guy friends, they stare at me like I’m a moron and then say “Zahra. We’re too simple for that. He’s hitting on her because he likes her, not you.” Ouch.

He’s just not that into you if: he talks about his ex-girlfriend and you can tell he’s not over her. There was one guy that rapped (yes, rapped) about his ex-girlfriend when I was alone with him. Do I even need to explain this one?

The bottom line is, boys that like you are supposed to treat you well. They’ll show an interest in you, the things you like, and will want to make you feel special. So, if he repeatedly makes you wonder if he’s really into you, he’s not worth it! Move on and find someone you like who actually wants to be with you. You’re fabulous, you deserve it.

The Morning After: Marking His Territory
The Morning After: Marking His Territory
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