Week after week (after week after week…), CollegeCandy and our pal John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, and saddest things he hears on his college campus. And we know he’s not the only one who hears this stuff. Join the Overheard revolution! Listen in on some weirdos’ conversations and share them in the comments or send ‘em over. You know there’s a lot of funny things to be heard on your campus, so get to it. We’ll throw them in a future post!
Professor, pointing at an Asian girl.
Professor: That’s how they do it in China, right?
Girl: What the hell is he talking about?
Two girls at a basketball game.
Girl 1: The coach has his own brand of wine.
Girl 2: Really? I knew he had a pasta sauce.
Girl 1: Yup, wine too. And a diaper. His face pops up on the back when it needs to be changed.
Two girls, walking through the mud after a football game.
Girl 1: I want to make a really inappropriate joke.
Girl 2: Is it a Trail of Tears joke?
Girl 1: Okay, yeah.
Girl, on a bus.
Girl: We have to stop. Otherwise I’m going to explode and spray hot urine everywhere.
Girl, on the phone.
Girl: I was trying to masturbate, and I couldn’t do it. I had to stop. I just kept thinking about his moustache.
Guy, talking to a girl.
Guy: Did you gain, like, 600 pounds?
Girl: I don’t think so.
Guy: Good, ’cause I saw some huge woman, and I wasn’t sure whether to say hi.
Girl, in a shopping center.
Girl: Hey, you, uh … you lookin’ at my dick? Why don’t I just … put this beehive on it?
Guy, on a bus.
Guy: Beards are just like women’s periods. They’re kind of annoying, but you can get rid of them whenever you want.
Guy, girls, chatting outside class.
Guy: I always get sick after finals. Like, cause they kick my ass for a week.
Girl: Wait? What? You pick your ass for a week? What?
Girls talking over lunch.
Girl 1: So what would we do if we woke up as boys?
Girl 2: Probably pee standing up.
Girl 3: Have sex with a woman.
Girl 4 (walking over): I would want to jump with a boner.
Professor, talking in lecture.
I would pull my pants down, but that might get me arrested.