Did You Get “The Talk”?

"When a man loves a woman...."

I vividly remember the times when Salt-N-Pepa’s “Let’s Talk about Sex” would come on the radio while I was being chauffeured around by my mother. I would plead to the heavens above that she would not take this opportunity to actually talk about sex with me. I dreaded the conversation that I knew was coming.

I thought Chrissy’s mom in Now and Then explained it perfectly when she said: “All women have a garden, and a garden needs a big hose to water it…or a small hose… as long as it works.” That was all I needed to hear on the topic of coitus. Plus, I would probably vomit if I ever heard the phrase “blow job” leave my mother’s lips.  And fortunately for me, I never had to.

Whether she figured the sex ship had already left my harbor, or she truly and sincerely believed that I was, and am, still as pure as they day she birthed me, my mother has successfully avoided the topic of sex with me for the past 22 years. And that’s too bad, because a new study is preaching a much earlier age to have The Talk.

According to Dr. Mark Schuster’s study, far too often parents wait too long to address the topic with their children to point where the conversation falls of deaf and already de-virginized ears. So he advises parents to explain the birds and bees (and wrapping those birds and bees in latex) to their kids at the middle school age at the latest, before they even start thinking about sex.

Yes. The Talk. At 13. Holy hell.

I understand the importance of The Talk, and I understand that girls and boys are giving it up much earlier these days (thank you, Britney), but I just can’t even imagine having my parents sit me down with a banana and a condom on my way out to a friend’s bat mitzvah to explain how safe sex works. Hell,  to this very day I still cringe when a sex scene comes on T.V. when I’m watching with my parents. It’s just uncomfortable and makes me think they might take that moment to bust out the anatomically correct male model and explain his reproductive parts to me. And at the ripe age of 22, I’m still not sure I’m ready for it.

Did you get The Talk? How old were you?

He’s Just Not That Into You: The College Edition
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