This is not one of those weeks for me.
After a particularly excruciating weekend, I’ve come to realize a few things. First of all, Patron doesn’t sit well with an entire bottle of white wine. Secondly, if you go to an NHL hockey game on a Sunday, do not expect anything to get done that evening. Finally, and most relevantly, I need some serious guidelines when I go out.
Hence, this week I’m providing a survival kit for New Year’s Eve, the blurriest and biggest party night of the year. Here are 10 things everyone must have to ensure the biggest, baddest, awesomest, most memorable (with the help of that digital camera, of course) night.
10. Tacky 2010 glasses
I was mourning the end of these bad boys at the end of the year, but someone figured out how to make them for 2010. Score.
This one is a given. Please upgrade your champagne choice from “the cheapest thing in the store.” Bad champagne = bad, bad hangover. I speak from experience. Trust.
8. Anything sequined or with sparkles
This is the one night of the year that you can dress up like Lady Gaga going to a disco and get away with it. Abuse the power. Buy those ridiculous sparkly heels you’ve been eying in Bloomingdale’s. And pair them with some leather leggings.
7. The buddy system
USE IT. Seriously, whether you’re staying local for NYE or hitting up the city, have a friend (or twelve) with you. No one likes being lost in some random Montreal club seconds before midnight. Especially when there’s a creepy mustachioed man standing next to you, looking for someone to smooch.
6. Snow tires on your car
Again, speaking from experience. Are you driving to some location that is not next door to you? Get those snow tires on that piece. Unless you’re south of the Mason-Dixen, then you should be in the clear. The past two New Years it has been blizzarding the entire night. Apologies to my friends who had to put up with me driving in the first place, and then suffer post traumatic stress from the skidding and near-death icy experiences.
(Note: I’m sure I don’t need to say this, but if you abuse #9, leave your car in that parking lot and get a cab. Snow tires will not help you if you’re elbow deep in Moet.)
5. A dude. Any dude.
You must make out on New Year’s Eve at midnight. Seriously. Another no-brainer.
4. Greasy food
You wanna have a successful resolution this year? Try, “Eat lots of greasy diner food,” because you will. Lots of it. Better get it all ready before you head out for the night (stock up on frozen pizzas or at least put Domino’s into your phonebook); you’re going to need it for the inevitable next day hangover. And the night of. And the entire week after.
3. That gross sweater your grandma got you
To keep you warm. And to accidentally lose.
2. A camera
With a strap. You don’t want to start 2010 with a busted camera after you “put your hands up,” “nodding your head like yeah, moving your hips like yeah” and fling that thing across the room. Plus, you look hot and there should be 128 pictures on Facebook come January 1 showing that to the world.
1. Knocking Live Video App
Even better than a camera. I know, I know, I’m a huge iPhone nerd, despite my former Crackberry addiction, but this ridiculously amazing app allows you to shoot video and share it with your friends live and in real time. So if for some reason your bestie starts macking it with Justin Timberlake (or some Larry King lookalike), simply whip out your iPhone and share it with the world. Seriously? Streaming video for all your New Year’s Eve shenanigans? Take that, blackout!