If we’ve learned anything from this whole Tiger Woods debacle, it’s that some women simply can’t resist the glory of sleeping with a celebrity. And who can really blame them? You put Chase Crawford in front of me and there’s no telling what I would do in order to get him undressed and into my bed. And if it takes heavy drugs and a blindfold, so be it.
In fact, I can say that for a lot of celebrities. A girl can dream, can’t she?
But the fantasy doesn’t extend to all of Hollywood. There are a few celebs that I would rather not have anywhere in or around my lady parts. For example:
This was a tough one for me because I’m a sucker for anyone who can serenade me – especially if it’s in a limo on the way to a Hollywood party – but there are a few other factors that I had to take into consideration. For example, let’s all say it together now: MAN-WHORE. John Mayer’s dating track record reads like a phonebook, and that’s simply not promising for our future together. And maybe I could look past that for a night of passion, but I simply cannot look past the faces he makes while on stage. If he looks like this while singing, I shutter to think what he looks like in bed.
Because, really, is he that hot? I feel like I’ve been misled. I don’t know what everyone else sees, because very time I look at his picture, I just feel like there’s something not right there. And honestly, that damn Yankee has slept with every female in NYC. Plus, if the rumors are true and he and Kate Hudson are through, well he is just an idiot and I don’t mess with idiots.
I’d be seated on a throne of lies if I told you I wouldn’t happily fall into bed with Edward Cullen. But Robert Pattinson, on the other hand, just doesn’t do it for me. His greasy locks are always standing at great heights, which leads me to believe he showers less than twice a week. And I’d like to take him to a tanning bed, just once or twice, to give him a little glow. Or skin pigment at all. He’s nearly translucent at this point and pasty isn’t a good look on him.
R.I.P. Chris Brown’s sex life. Assault pretty much put the nail in the coffin of that guy’s life. It’s too bad, too. I used to imagine what our wedding would be like. He was going to sing “With You” to me at the reception, now I just want to punch him in the genitals.
My best guess says that this 15-year-old pop star is still holding on to his precious V-card. And as awesome as it would to take a celebrity’s virginity, I’m not into statutory rape. I’m not that fame-hungry.