Cosmo Says The Darndest Things: January Edition

Even though this month’s Cosmo is all about the new year, it just included more of the same old: a feature on Girl-on-Top, a few pointers on how to get hot guys naked, and their annual Bedside Astrologer (!!). It also featured a two page lingerie spread with advice from the Victoria’s Secret Angels…then continued to reference VS like 6 more times throughout the issue. Hmm, something’s going on….

By far the most –  ahem – interesting article, though, was The Guy Report (surprise, surprise). Read on for the gems of advice that Cosmo doles out this month.

Cosmo Says: If your guy won’t let you put pics up of the two of you kissing on FB, he’s just concerned with privacy.
Kari Says:
OR he doesn’t want anyone knowing you two are dating…sketchy. I’m not into PDA, especially not when it involves a 5 minute video of you two staring into each others’ eyes meaningfully, or passionately making out in hi-def (Note: no one else is, either). But we’re all guilty of letting a little mush slip into our tagged photos every once in a blue moon. If he’s serious about you, he won’t mind letting his friends (or “Friends”) know.

Cosmo Says: Stop asking your date questions about himself! Make sure the convo revolves around you, he’ll be smitten.
Kari Says:
Really? Because I’ve been on dates like that – they’re not fun! I understand that Cosmo is trying to promote self-confidence, but being interesting is just as important as being interested. The best conversation should casually flow back and forth about both of us, right? I want to get to know a guy as best as I can when we’re on a date…kinda hard to do if I won’t shut up about myself the entire time. Besides, a great date will ask all the right questions about me—all on his own!

Also Enlightening was “How a Guy Gets Over a Breakup”:

Cosmo Says: Men don’t like anyone to know they cry, but they all do, and it helps them process emotion.
Kari Says:
Believe it or not, us womenfolk are actually clued in to the fact that yes, men do cry! We know they don’t want to do it in front of us, and we suspected there might be some background soundtrack to drown out the noise, but I never did suspect that it was heavy-metal. Or that they referred to the act as producing “hot, manly, motor-oil tears”…

Cosmo Says: Any dude who’s upset about a break up will punch things.
Kari Says:
Also true. Except men punching things and taking their fury out on inanimate objects/CGI Halo enemies has never been exclusively limited to break up anger. I like to make sure that when my BF watches Monday Night Football, any small object within a 3 foot radius is nailed down. If it’s not, I can expect it to get hurled across the room.

Cosmo Says: The first Friday night your ex is alone, he will attempt to get you back (by drunk dialing).
Kari Says:
If any guy is serious in his attempts to win back a girl, I would hope that this epiphany occurred for reasons other than a bottle of Jack and a cell phone nearby. If this sudden realization does result from actual remorse, pain or missing his ex-girlfriend, guzzling a six-pack before he calls probs isn’t the way to go.  A better route? Skip the Bud and buy some knee pads; now swallow the pride and prepare to make a heartfelt apology.

Ok ladies, what advice do you have about guys that Cosmo should really be writing?

Resolutions For The Rest of Us
Resolutions For The Rest of Us
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