The Weekly Ten: Why You’re Fat

Somehow I think Chinese delivery was a contributing factor here.

This week I’ve been inspired by ThisIsWhyYou’reFat.com… or my own personal struggle with winter weight. Between the Christmas cookies, Starbucks peppermint mochas and, oh yeah, lifting my drinking ban, these have all caused me to pack on the weight over the past three months. I could not be more annoyed with the term “winter weight,” or having to rationalize that I’m not getting fat, just fluffy.

Which is why the only thing I’m asking Santa for this year is a gym membership.

Here are some of the things that might be unfavorably tipping the scales, particularly in this binge-y time of the year.

10. Brunch
My favorite unnecessary meal of the day. At which almost all items on the menu are dripping with syrup. Not good.

9. Driving
Not exactly caloric, but how many times do you hop in the driver’s seat to a destination that’s walking distance? Or for that matter, pile into a cab when you’re only heading ten blocks away. Bad for the bod and the environment.

8. Late night snacking
Those munchies add up, and if you believe the hype, eating after 8 PM is one of the worst things you can do to your body.

7. Delivery

Not even bothering to get off the couch to get greasy food into your mouth? Pad thai, Domino’s, greasy Chinese food, it doesn’t matter. Homemade food is always healthier, and the stroll around the grocery store will do your body some sort of good. Well, at least more good than keeping the door unlocked and having that poor little delivery dude drop the food at your feet.

6. Guacamole

WHAT THE EFF? Why does this delicious topping have so many calories? Considering it’s made out of a vegetable? Really disappointing.

5. Christmas candy. And cookies. And eggnog. And giant turkey dinners.
Okay, I’ll let this one slide on December 25th, but no holding onto those Christmas candies past January 1st!

4. Lack of sleep
Cramming for finals, partying hard and cramming some more does not make for a healthy sleep cycle. Turns out, losing out on the Z’s can get you packing on the lbs. “Professor, I’m sorry I slept through your 8 AM, I’m just watching my figure right now. I know you’ll understand,” might not work as an excuse, but try and crawl under the covers a few minutes earlier than usual.

3. Boyfriend or Breaking Up
It’s different for everyone and it’s a lose-lose (or I guess a gain-gain). Some people, like me, get super-comfy with their beau and start packing on the pounds when they’re in a relationship. On the flip side, being single can get you dating your fridge. Sigh.

2. Cupcakes
My favorite food and the world’s hottest dessert fixation right now. Red velvet cupcake does not make a good dinner. No, skim milk pairing doesn’t make it any better. Especially difficult when paired with #1 at the hottest new spot in the West Village, Sweet Revenge. Check it out before you have to make your New Year’s Resolution.

1. Drinking
This one is a killer considering tis the season to get wasted on Schnapp’s in order to tolerate your relatives. And then there’s an entire apple pie calling your name. Maybe it’s time to go back to sobriety. Spring break is just around the corner. Woof.

Overheard: Finals Edition
Overheard: Finals Edition
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