Life After College: Learning Lessons The Hard Way

Turns out, just because I’m 6 months out of college doesn’t mean I’ve stopped making stupid life-threatening decisions. Take this past Saturday, for example.

Despite reports that there was a massive blizzard outside, I sat inside and got ready to go out for the night. All the news reports recommended staying in. But, like usual, I thought I knew better than the news. I assumed that checking weather.com daily qualified me to be a meteorologist. At the very least, it qualified me to change my last name to Roker on my Facebook profile. So in the face of the oncoming “blizzard,” my friends and I got dressed, did our hair and headed out to a party.

It was freezing cold and snowflakes were blowing into parts of my body even my gynecologist hadn’t explored. So we hailed a cab and hopped inside. The car swerved, it swooped, and it stalled. At one point I’m pretty sure we were just gliding on ice. The cab driver even hung up with whoever was on the other end of that Bluetooth.  And at that moment I realized how serious things were.

I haven’t felt that unsafe since I stood up on Space Mountain.

We arrived at our destination and were forced to turn into human snowplows in order to even find the door. It took so long that I actually constructed an igloo just to take a quick break from tunneling. And then to add insult to injury, the party sucked. Maybe it’s because my hair had turned into mini-icicles or maybe it’s because I was amputating my frost-bitten toes on the couch,  but every other guest at the party (which was, like, 5 wet people) was giving me dirty stares. I took the hint and left.

My friends and I decided we should bar crawl back to the apartment since there was no way we were getting back into a cab. The North Pole Bar Crawl started off with a bang as we walked from one empty bar to another. Apparently no one else went out. Apparently everyone else knew that this “blizzard” wasn’t just rumor.

By the time I reached my apartment, I had a broken hip from falling so much and new knee-high aqua-socks which were formally referred to as my nice leather boots.

As I peeled off my wet jeans thawed out my fingers over my hairdryer I realized that I once again learned my lesson the hardest way: I do not need to go out every single weekend night. It’s okay for me to stay in when the weather’s bad and the National Guard is warning people not to leave their homes. This isn’t college anymore, after all.

Down With Coed Bathrooms!
Down With Coed Bathrooms!
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