The Dating Double Standard

A few weeks ago I was set up with a boy. We chatted for a bit, made some small talk. He was sarcastically funny and he was tall, and in my book, those two things will warrant a first date. (Let’s face it – Jewish boys are usually not tall, and even less so if you buzz down that J- fro.)

So he got my number and told me he would call.
He waited 3 days.
Annoying, but expected.

I was at work when TFB (Tall Funny Boy) called. And being the world’s worst phone person that I am, I didn’t call him back right away. Work got crazy and before I knew it two days had passed and I still had not called the boy back. Rude? A bit. But also a total honest mistake. I made a mental note to call him that night and carried on with my day.

But here’s the kicker: as I was leaving work, I noticed a missed call on my phone and a voicemail message in my inbox.

“Hey it’s ****. Just calling again to see what’s up. Give me a call when you get a chance.”

And then, before I even had the chance to park my car and head back into my house, he called me AGAIN.

I know, I know – I should’ve been overjoyed. I can’t count on all my fingers, toes and every other extremity how many times a guy has told me he’d call and then didn’t. Which my friends reminded me as I shared my annoyance with them.

“He must just like you.” (Well, duh.)
“He is just interested – he’s pursuing you, that is so flattering.”
“Can you pass the Oreos?… Thanks….Oh yeah. He’s totally diggin’ you.”
“Haven’t you read that book He’s Just Not That Into You? Clearly this guy is, so what’s the problem?”

And so it went. And even though I was in a perpetual eye-roll for the duration of that conversation, it did get me thinking. Maybe I should be flattered. Maybe I’m just not used to being pursued and this actually is a good thing. Maybe I should get over the creepy factor (I know he wasn’t stalking me, but it was a little much) and call him back.

But then other thoughts flooded my mind. Namely, the fact that this situation is just totally unfair.

If I had gone out with this guy and if I been the one to call him twice in a row without hearing back, do you think his friends would be passing him the bag of Oreos and saying, “that is so flattering?”

HELL NO. Even if you replaced “bag of Oreos” with “cans of Natty Light.” Unless his guy friends like to dance around in tutus and tiaras. And even then, his friends and said guy would still think I was bat sh*t crazy with major issues. Words that would probably come up in that convo: neurotic, clingy, crazy bitch, RUN. RUN NOW.

So why is it that I’m supposed to start swooning over how much this guy must like me and want to take me out when, if the tables were turned, the guy would probably never return my calls, unfriend me from Facebook and enter witness protection? Just because I’m a girl I’m supposed to go along with it? I’m not allowed to be turned off, too?

It’s double standards like these that irk me to my very core and sometimes make me hate being a girl. Why does it seem like guys get handed all the control in the relationship and we’re just sorta along for the ride? Why do we consistently give them a free pass to do the things we’ve been taught are major do nots? Do we set our standards too low, or are guys setting them way too high?

I just need to know: am I the only one feeling this way, or is this yet another dating double standard we just have to deal with?

Coupled. New Year’s Resolutions
Coupled. New Year’s Resolutions
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