I Hate You, Resolutioners

[We originally ran this post at the end of 2008. Unfortunately it still rings true in 2010 so we’re bringing it back for round 2. Share your own resolution gripes in the comments section below!]

I don’t make resolutions for the new year. Not only do I know I will not keep them, but I also know that anything important enough to give up on December 31st should probably be given up on any other day. I tried to give up cake once – what a disaster. Just knowing the 31st was coming and that I would soon be without my beloved buttercream sent me on a downward spiral that resulted with me, a fork and a missing Costco sheet cake.

The only thing I hate more than making New Years resolutions are the people that do. They are annoying, act all “holier than thou,” and make the first few weeks of every new year miserable for me.

The Gym Goers: Seriously, people, get off of my elliptical. I shouldn’t have to wait to get on my machine (that I have been using 5 days a week for the entirety of 2008 and 2009) just because you finally decided you’ve had enough with your muffin top. And, for those of you who don’t know because this is your first time at the gym, you are supposed to be sweating on that thing, not standing on it and texting your friends about the girl standing behind you giving you the stink eye.

The Smoke Quitters: Congratulations for finally kicking the smoking habit! I am proud of you – really, I am. But I am not there yet. This is not my year to trade in my black lungs for some shiny, healthy ones. So stop judging me and making that disgusted face when you walk by. You’ve given up cigarettes for .5 seconds and suddenly you can preach to me about how disgusting it is? You know you’d much rather be sucking down this sweet cancer stick right now. Don’t deny it.

The Healthy Eaters: Same goes to you, salad people. Sometimes I want a large order of sweet potato fries and I will not let you make me feel guilty. Besides, sweet potatoes are good for me!

The Money Savers: The economy sucks right now, so everyone is trying to save a buck or two. Good for you! Save that money! Earn that interest! But don’t get all cheap on me now and bring out the calculator when the bill comes at dinner, or give me a stack of your used books for my birthday after I got you a sweet new Kindle for yours. And, for real, stop talking about how little money you have. I. Don’t. Care.

8 Under $20: The Gap
8 Under $20: The Gap
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