The last decade brought about a wave of liberating changes for women. We stopped wearing pants. We (successfully?) raised children on our own (by choice, or by force). We kissed girls..and Russel Brand (and we liked it. A LOT.). We are so amazing, in fact, that men are starting to get a little jealous.
With every new year in the 2000’s (is that what we’re officially calling them?), new products for men come out that bring us one step closer to finally closing the gender gap that has existed since the beginning of time…and confirming the fact that Freud totally had the penis envy thing all wrong.
Each morning we spend a glorious half hour (or more) skillfully covering our imperfections. First there’s foundation, then cover up and blush. Then we highlight our eyes with the perfect shades of shadow and make them pop with some mascara. Finally, we plump our lips, apply some gloss and smile at the beauty we’ve created in the mirror (which covered up the horror that was staring back at us upon waking up) before we happily flounce out the door looking shiny and new.
To be honest, I’ve always sorta felt bad for guys because they didn’t have the same luxury. If they have a zit, it’s there for the world to see.
But not anymore. Men have finally caught on. And not just emo rockstars. Companies devoted to makeup for dudes are popping up all over the place. In fact, seven out of ten men even admit they use women’s beauty products as part of their daily regime. So that’s where all my cocoa butter went!
Pantyhose are the epitome of womanhood. They control the muffin top, tuck in the tummy and make it possible to sport our summer dresses in winter. They also happen to be horribly uncomfortable and might be the most annoying thing about being a woman. And now men get to join in on the fun! I’m not really sure why dudes want some of these to call their own – does this mean man-skirts are on the horizon? – but they’re here.
Women have totes got the “if you don’t got it, fake it” thing down to a T. We know that if our boobs are too small, or we don’t got enough junk in our trunk, there’s a simple solution: padding. We’ve been sporting the padded bras for years and some of us have even gone so far as padded undies. And now the boys are finally catching on. I guess they were feeling a little left out (in addition to a little peeved when they got home and saw the heat – or lack thereof – we ladies were really packin’) so they joined in on the padded fun. Enhance away, boys!
If women can suck, tuck and trim those waistlines with the aid of a (very difficult to slip on) undergarment, it’s only fair men can too, right? Welcome the BodyShaper Max t-shirt for the boys. This little guy will flatten out that beer belly and take care of the moobs giving the illusion that the guy looks like this under that bedazzled graphic tee.
Now all we need are high heels for the shorties and we’ll be equal at last.