The Weekly Ten: Why I’m Hating EVERYTHING

Every week, I write a list. Okay, let’s cut the crap, we all get it by now. Every Monday morning at 9 AM you can count on a Weekly Ten from Melanie – Northeastern University popping onto your Google Reader or whatever you use to read the beloved CollegeCandy.

Anyway, these lists (lately) have been pretty mild and have settled down since my hipster-hating era. Let’s chalk that one up to me getting laid more frequently these days. Hurray! (Although, hipsters, I still am NOT impressed.)

This is not one of those lists. This week I have been pretty ticked off about, I don’t know, everything? I’d like to blame my new birth control but who knows? It could just be the weather or the fact that I fell on my face in front of about thirty people the other night when I attempted to drunkenly pounce someone and now my knee really, really hurts and I’m cranky about it and the only way I can make myself feel better is to dress up celebrities on Stardoll.com (Yes, I am aware that I’m 21 and, no, I do not care).

It does not matter. Here are the top ten things that annoy me, without fail.

10. Empty boxes left in the pantry or snack drawer at work
What the eff? When I want a granola bar and I see a box in the cupboard, I expect there to be a granola bar INSIDE the box. How hard is it to throw away an empty box after eating the last delicious S’Mores Luna bar? Seriously.

9. Ironing
Okay, can anyone else relate to this? I just feel like I’m pushing wrinkles to different spots. Extra annoying if I’m not even ironing my own clothes because for some reason I’m the designated laundry bitch in my relationship. I feel like Paris Hilton trying to be domestic – no skills.

8. Crowds
I live in the best place for that, New York City! The capital of crowds. I love when my grocery store is the size of most public bathrooms and everyone is playing bumper cars with their shopping carts. Also, a special thank you to the lady who stood in front of the dairy section for a good 10 minutes trying to decide between butter or margarine and caused a traffic jam in the entire refrigeration section because her demon child decided to take control of her cart. Thank you for making my Fairway shopping experience even more unpleasant than usual.

7. Pants
If I had it my way, I would wear a dress every day. But I can’t because of this stupid…

6. Freezing Cold Weather
It’s this time of year that I really start to envy old people. They all get to fly down to Florida and they get that cute name of “snowbirds” while I’m stuck wearing two hundred layers and six scarves and freezing my ass off. However, even this week, Florida has gotten stuck with this crappy cold weather too. (Haha! Take that, old people!) I don’t know who to point a finger at here: Global Warming or myself for ever deciding to live above the Mason Dixon line.

5. When People Don’t Respond to Texts
Okay, I understand you’re busy. But if I just need to know if I left something at your apartment, is it that hard to answer YES/NO?! Seriously. Just answer! I know you’re only occupied by eating Doritos and playing Madden.

4. No Manners
I admit, I am not always the most censored human being (shocker, right?) but I’ve been inundated with people with zero tact lately. Also an unfortunate function of New York City, it seems like everyone is born with a case of “I have a problem with everyone” itis. Seriously, would it kill you to smile? I would head back to the Midwest to see some kinder personalities, but then, of course, I have to deal with a whole crapload of #6.

3. People Who Are Good at Everything
And look really pretty at all times. And they’re really nice and involved in every activity and they saved the dolphins and they’ve been to every country in the world and they have the perfect life and the perfect job and the perfect family and they don’t even brag about it, they’re just amazing and why CAN’T I BE THEM?

2. When Gmail/Facebook Crashes
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

1. Ugg Boots
and Northfaces, slow walkers, undercooked meat, overcooked meat, orange pad thai, cold coffee, runny noses, rain, snow, humidity, the flu, swine flu, Jon Gosselin, Kate Gosselin, Michael Lohan, Survivor, spilling, falling, hangovers, nausea from the pill, pantyhose, public transportation, cabs, getting almost killed by delivery guys on bikes, reruns, the phrase “Just sayin’!”, Sweetheart Sammi from Jersey Shore, traveling, Green Bay losing, and no more holiday cups at Starbucks.

This list could go on but now I’m really angry and need to eat a spoonful of peanut butter to calm myself down.

Overheard: Son of Sam Eagle
Overheard: Son of Sam Eagle
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