Over the past eight years American Idol has been bringing the country’s undiscovered talent (and um…this) into our living rooms via our 50 inch flat screens (I wish). There’s nothing like watching Randy, Simon and Paula whittle down thousands of hopefuls into 12 finalists who will spend weeks singin’ their little hearts out for us, while we feverishly grab our phones at the end of the show to cast our vote for the hottest guy best performer.
This season, our beloved Idol is facing some changes. Sweet little Paula Abdul is being replaced by comedian Ellen Degeneres, and (gasp) SIMON IS LEAVING!?!?!?!? Oh wait. He’s not going anywhere yet. Phew. I’m not sure if I could handle so much change.
Anyways, now that I’ve regained my sanity (thanks to a delicious spoonful of PB), I’m holding out hope that the ninth season will be just as good as past ones, but there are definitely some things I’ll be missing about the old Idol.
Gonna Miss: Paula’s arm-waving-seated-dancing. And her questionable sobriety.
Excited For: Ellen’s signature dance moves. That woman can work it!
Gonna Miss: Paula’s sympathy. After laughing my ass off at the absolute WORST singers (and dancers), deep down I felt a pang of sadness for them. But she could find something positive to say to almost any Idol hopeful. Usually about their wardrobe choices.
Excited For: Posh Spice. Maybe she’ll bring her hubby along to the auditions?!
Gonna Miss: Sex scandals with the contestants. Who can forget the rumors that Paula and cornrowed crooner Corey Clark indulged in a little backstage nookie?
Excited For: Well, there’s always hope for a new sex scandal, right?
Gonna Miss: The obvious sexual tension between Simon and Paula.
Excited For: Sexual tension between Randy and Simon? Randy and Kara? Kara and Ellen??
Gonna Miss: Paula’s accessories. I often wondered how Crazy Abdul could lift her arms, let alone do that weird open-palm clap thing she was so fond of.
Excited For: Randy’s jewelry. And Kara’s near-nipple-exposing tops. And Simon’s near-nipple exposing tops.
Gonna Miss: Trainwrecks of past seasons. I admit, I live for the first few weeks of Idol before they turn away all the crazies. “Scat Girl” gets me every time. Not to mention that when I’m sitting on the couch, dateless and eating pints of Haagen Dazs, I like watching people who (I think) are even more pathetic.
Excited For: The new Idol! (and runner-up, because they always seem to get record deals, don’t they?) Will it be a guy or girl? Will they blossom into a superstar (hellooo, Carrie Underwood!), or a one-hit wonder (what ever happened to Ruben Studdard?)? Will they go on to perform at an award show and stuff some guy’s face into their crotch? Sigh. We’ll have to wait and see.
With all the changes coming this season, at least we can count on some things that won’t be going anywhere: Randy calling everyone “dawg” every five seconds, Simon getting booed, and, of course, Ryan Seacrest and his signature sendoff, “Seacrest, out!”
Don’t forget to set your DVRs! American Idol starts tonight at 8pm!