Bad Advice Women Get: Always Look Your Best

Gotta load on the makeup for the big

When it comes to beauty, I’m pretty low-maintenance. I never really learned how to put on eyeliner because I’m afraid I’ll poke myself in the cornea, I can’t get the knack of painting the nails on my right hand, and I’m too impatient to slap on anything more than Chapstick and maybe mascara, if I’m feeling fancy, in the morning.

So to me, articles (or even videos) about how to get the perfect smoky eye or choose the right mineral foundation for your skin tone or make yourself look like a tiger or whatever aren’t generally that interesting. Even so, I can understand that there are plenty of industrious girls out there who actually find beauty tips useful.

And I’ve certainly got nothing against beauty hounds. In fact, I envy their hand-eye coordination and perseverance—while I’m embarrassed about the bags beneath my baby blues but too lazy to actually do anything about them, those girls always look effortlessly put-together.

But a four-page photo spread that I came across in the latest issue of Glamour crosses the line between giving helpful pointers and doling out straight-up bad advice. The piece, which unfortunately isn’t available online, is called “Have a Gorgeous Night… In.” Here’s its introductory paragraph:

“You’re young, you’re hot—you should not be in a Snuggie! The next time you and your guy are just hanging out at home together, try these undeniably sexy beauty ideas. And have fun!”

The article goes on to suggest that while a girl is spending a low-key night in her natural habitat, she should consider wearing lacy, revealing underwear, spending ten minutes on crafting a sexy, “bedhead-y ponytail” that artificially simulates hair that’s been slept on, and swiping on “red lipstick like Dior Serum de Rouge Lipstick in Crimson ($32,” This will trick guys into finding her attractive, even if she’s just whiling away her time by munching on some Pirate’s Booty and watching Tough Love.

While I totally understand the appeal of glamming it up every now and then, isn’t a night in supposed to give us time off from worrying about hair and makeup? What’s wrong with a lady laying prone on a couch while clad in a zebra-striped Slanket, enjoying the way her face feels when it isn’t caked in inches of powder? In this situation, there should be no need to spend time painting your pout bright red, let alone with lipstick that costs as much as a skirt from Urban Outfitters.

This article is basically saying that girls always need to make sure they look their best, even if there’s nobody there for them to impress (if you’re just sitting around with “your guy,” doesn’t that mean that the two of you should be comfortable enough with each other that you don’t have to make an effort for once?). “Have a Gorgeous Night… In” implies that appearance is everything, regardless of where you are or what you’re doing.

When I’m spending an evening at home, I’m focused on staying comfortable and trying to decompress—even if there does happen to be a dude vegging out in the armchair next to mine. If this means that I’m doomed to die alone, well, so be it; I think I’d rather enjoy myself than constantly worry about whether I’m wearing my fake eyelashes correctly. Way to go, Glamour!

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