Whether it is in the form of ‘Dear Abby’ or a particularly inspiring section in Cosmopolitan, I love dating advice. Over-analyzing is a woman’s best friend, and there is nothing like a little advice to feed the fire. But while some people offer up some really good advice, there are a few others that are less than qualified to be instructing the masses in the ways of love.
Like Jennifer Love Hewitt.
Recently, she has taken the dive into dating advice-hood and wrote a book full of her own dating tips. Yes, Jennifer Love-Hewitt, a perpetually single Hollywood “star” with a string of bad relationships is offering up advice on how to succeed in the dating world. Ironic? Yes. Disturbing? Just wait.
One piece of J-Love’s sage wisdom? To “vagazzle your vajayjay.” Yes, that’s exactly what you think it is. Ms. Hewitt wants you to bedazzle your goodies. Because nothing says love like a vagina with sequins glued on.
It’s obvious that Jennifer Love Hewitt is not someone any of us should be turning to for dating or love advice. In fact, there are quite a few ladies who probably shouldn’t be starting any Dear Abby columns any time soon. Here are five we should definitely avoid.
Jessica Simpson: There are three things you should keep out of a relationship: bowel dysfunctions, a crazy and clingy father (who makes comments about your boobs), and John Mayer. This seems to be Jessica Simpson’s ideal love triangle. This and the fact that she is weary about the diverse qualities of chicken and tuna leaves no reason for her to sprinkle her dating advice around the world.
Heidi Montag: Unless you’re life’s dream is to marry the biggest ass-hat known to man, I wouldn’t really turn to Ms. Montag-Pratt for advice. And if marrying Spencer Pratt isn’t bad enough, girlfriend recently attempted to trick her bearded lover into having children after “forgetting” to take her birth control. Nothing say’s “healthy relationship” like this one, folks.
Angelina Jolie: Somehow, I am discovering “stealing someone else’s man and following up with a giant litter of children” isn’t valuable dating advice. Or kissing your own brother. Or tattooing your boyfriend’s name on your arm. Or wearing a vile of your boyfriend’s blood on your neck. I don’t know – something about that last one just seems really effing creepy a little clingy for my taste.
Britney Spears: Two words: Adnan Ghalib. One hyphenated “word”: K-Fed. Sure, there was a little Justin Timberlake in there at one point, but I’d say taking dating advice from Britney is like taking career advice from Lindsay Lohan. Or birth control advice from Octomom.
Kate Hudson: She has landed herself quite a few hotties (Owen Wilson, Dax Sherpard, Owen Wilson, Lance Armstrong, Owen Wilson, A-Rod, Owen Wilson again!?), but I don’t think any of us are looking for advice on how to break men’s fragile little hearts then go back again and again and again and break them into smaller and smaller bits.