Who Brushes Their Teeth With a Bottle of Jack?

OK, I’ve got one question and one question only…

Who the F is Ke$ha??

The girl wears glitter. A lot of it.
She totally ripped off my girl Uffie.
She has a dollar sign IN HER NAME.
She has one song out…and it’s about getting wasted.

But girlfriend is everywhere. She’s all over the internet, the radio plays her song religiously and she’s even found a spot on my workout playlist. And my getting ready to go out playlist. And my walk to class playlist…

Now, I know the stars of pop music have been a little ridiculous lately (Exhibit A), but this new-found obsession with Ke$ha has me a little worried; bad romance outfits are one thing, but brushing your teeth with a bottle of Jack? Come on now, girl.

I mean – really, Kesha? – you “wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy”? What does it feel like to be an angry, controlling, egotistical rap mogul with a Twitter obsession?

And really, it’s great that you have set such lofty goals for yourself (“Tonight, I’ma fight until we see the sunlight”), but shouldn’t you be thinking about a few more serious things like, I don’t know… getting a job? Or giving back to the poor? Or getting proper dental care? I know that you  “Aint got a care in the world, but [you] got plenty of beer,” and that’s great; we all need a night off to just let loose. I feel ya, sister. But I really worry about the mental health of anyone who wants a dude that “look[s] like Mick Jagger.”

Is this the kind of person we want millions of little girls to look up to?

And why you gotta make your song so catchy, Ke$ha? Do you know how much I hate myself when I’m jumping around the bar and know every single (terrible) verse? I want to hate you – I really, really do – but hard as I try, I just can’t get enough. And that might be the worst thing of all.

Damn you, Ke$ha. Damn you.

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