One of the biggest motivations for us college girls to get to the gym every day is the thought of all the hot guys that will be there. Yeah, we go there to burn off last night’s margaritas and nachos, but doing all that burning is so much better while ogling delicious, muscle-y coeds lifting weights, the sweat dripping off of their glistening brows.
But then there are the other guys. Those dudes that show up in attire that makes us want to throw up last night’s indulgences rather than jump their bones right up against the leg press. Everyone knows that the bar gym is a great place to pick up guys, but these five fashion choices are definite dealbreakers.
Guys, no matter how hot you are, you don’t look good in these.
I don’t care what kind of exercise you’re doing, spandex is NEVER necessary. This goes for outside the gym, too. There’s nothing like seeing a guy jogging around campus and having a clear outline of his junk to wake you up for a 9 am lecture. Spare me. If you’re lucky, we’ll wanna see your man parts after a few drinks at more appropriate times (that is, unless we remember that we saw you at the gym wearing spandex).
2. Sleeveless Muscle Tees
Unless you’re Pauly D or The Situation, don’t wear muscle tees. They make you look like Pauly D and The Situation. We get it, you have huge biceps, and trust us, we love to watch you flex them. But not in an old t-shirt you tore up with arm holes that hang down to your waist. If we can see your entire upper body already, what’s the point of wearing a shirt anyway? And while we’re on the subject, let’s just make these illegal, K?
3. Short Shorts
Short shorts on girls? Fine. Short shorts on guys? Gross. Guy thighs are big, pale, and hairy – a very unattractive combo. And trust me when I say I did not need to see that guy’s junk flop out onto the mat during a particularly intense butterfly stretch.
4. Velour Sweatpants
If you wear these to the gym you are probably also sporting #2, a fake tan, and a blowout (and maybe even a sweatband around said blowout. And sunglasses). I always see guys wearing these in colors like maroon, teal, and white. Forget the fact that we can see the outline of your man parts, but WTF? Did you get lost at Macy’s and end up at Juicy Couture?
On the flip-side, though, one thing guys should wear MORE of to the gym: deodorant. Please and thank you.