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Cosmo Says The Darndest Things: February Edition


Cosmo‘s February issue had a lot of usefulless information, as per usual. Get excited! This month we learn how guys truly feel about nail decals (we know you’ve all been dying to know the answer to this.) Turns out 55% think they’re too over-the-top, while 45% say they’re fun and flirty. But I’m pretty sure 100% don’t really know what nail decals are, or even notice what their ladies are rocking on their fingers.

We also learn that what you’re envious of reveals what you really want in life. But didn’t we already learn this when Laguna Beach first came out and we all felt green with envy? I don’t think it took our “where-we-sit-at-lunch-defines-our-popularity-status” high school minds and an article from Cosmo to realize that we were envious because we wanted what they had. We wanted their million dollar mansions, designer name clothing, thriving social lives, and Ste-VEN in our beds. And we especially all wanted to be asked to our proms with a fish filled pool and a lit up sign. So thanks anyway, Cosmo.

But perhaps the most informative article this month is His Bedtime Body Language, in which we learn how his sleeping position tells us all we need to know about his personality.

Cosmo Says: Facedown: This guy likes to be in control.
Arielle Says:
Or maybe he just likes to shove his face under the pillow so the afternoon sun doesn’t wake him from his slumber.

Cosmo Says: On His Back: His open posture shows that he’s secure and optimistic.
Arielle Says:
Yeah… optimistic for a blow job! Or maybe he was watching an episode of Entourage and fell asleep halfway through. Or was reading his biology assignment and fell asleep with the book on his chest. Well, actually probably not the latter, if your man is anything like mine… Either way, the analysis of this sleeping position should really just be that he will need a nose strip; he’s going to be snoring all night.

Cosmo Says: Thrashing Around: Constant movement indicates your guy is stressed.
Arielle Says:
This is probably the only one that actually holds some merit. We all thrash around when we’re stressed… and when we’ve had too much to drink and can’t get comfortable on either side because the room is spinning no matter which direction we face. He may also be thrashing around because it’s hard to find a comfortable position in a dorm-style twin bed with two people in it.

Cosmo Says: On His Side: Men who snooze this way tend to be laid-back and quick to compromise.
Arielle Says:
Or he turned away from his girlfriend because she was reading Cosmo and asking him why he doesn’t compromise even though he sleeps on his side…

I laugh way too loud and way too often. I think I have a beautiful singing voice even though everyone tells me otherwise. I could beat anyone in a cookie eating contest and I still listen to and worship LFO. But I have major plans to change the world and am living proof that blondes, really do, have more fun!