As most of you know, Punxsutawney Phil woke up and saw his shadow this morning, alerting us that, yes, there will be six more weeks of hell winter. What a prick! Six more weeks of bundling up like an Eskimo for the walk to class? Six more weeks of a constant runny nose and ghostly white complexion? Six more weeks that my wardrobe will consist 100% of sweatpants and Uggs?
As cute as he may be (just look at that face!), we’re pretty much loathing Phil right now. Lucky for that little guy, it’s too cold outside for us to load on the layers and head to Punxsatuwney to hunt him down (JK, PETA!). And if we were willing to stick our icy cold feet into a pair of still-wet-from-yesterday Uggs, there are a few other people we’d be going after first:
1. ABC: While the rest of the world is hating on NBC for the whole Conan debacle, I have a major bone to pick with the ABC suits. Canceling Ugly Betty? What the hell? That show has the humor of Glee, the high fashion of Gossip Girl and the drama of The Bachelor. Maybe if you didn’t change its airtime so much more people would know when to watch it and tune in!
2. Gisele Bundchen: The Victoria’s Secret Angel looks like this after having a baby in December (clearly this is a pattern with them, given the post-baby bodies of Heidi Klum and Adriana Lima). She also reports that she didn’t have to wear maternity clothes during the pregnancy. If that’s not enough to make you hate her, don’t forget that her husband and baby daddy is NFL hottie, Tom Brady. GAH!
3. The Situation: First of all, why was he at the Grammy’s? Second of all, Mike “the Situation” Sorrentino is reportedly in the works to give motivational speeches at his New Jersey high school. They’re gonna let HIM give advice to young, impressionable high school students!?!? I’m alarmed. The Sitch joked that “I’d probably say to them, make sure you keep doing your sit ups,” but to be honest, how to get a sexually transmitted disease 6-pack is the ONLY advice I’d trust him to give those youngn’s.
4. Amanda Seyfried: The former Mean Girl is starring with Channing Tatum (swoon) in Dear John, which comes out this Friday. Not only does she have silky blonde hair, big green eyes and flawless skin, but she gets to kiss, hug, and generally be all over her delicious co-star. Jealousy and hate ensue.
5. Taylor Swift: Okay, so I might be beating a dead horse here, but I just don’t get the whole Taylor obsession. Why does this girl win EVERYTHING!? I know, I know – she’s cute, smart and writes her own music, and I’m not trying to take that away from her. But in my opinion, Lady Gaga has more creative talent in her pinky finger than Taylor does in her whole (5’11) body, not to mention that The Fame had four number one singles, more than any debut album in history. I worship Gaga, Dave’s Big Whiskey has been looping in my car CD player for the past 6 months, I have a serious girl-crush on Beyonce, and the Black Eyed Peas basically owned the charts with their singles this year, so hate me if you want, but I’d rather spend another 12 months trudging through snow than see this girl take home another award.