Week after week (after week after week…), CollegeCandy and our pal John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, and saddest things he hears on his college campus. And we know he’s not the only one who hears this stuff. Join the Overheard revolution! Listen in on some weirdos’ conversations and share them in the comments or send ‘em over. You know there’s a lot of funny things to be heard on your campus, so take off those (faux) Burberry ear muffs and tune in.
(Guy, talking on the phone.)
Guy: Know how you win an argument? You spank ’em. Can’t nobody argue with a good spank.
(Two girls, browsing in a convenience store.)
Girl 1: Twix?
Girl: 2: Nah. That doesn’t really lubricate my gears.
(Girl, yelling, behind me at a basketball game.)
Girl: No … ! Don’t dribble! Please don’t dribble! If you dribble, it’ll never come back! I’ll never come back!
(Girls, watching television in the lounge.)
Girl 1: I just like Peyton and beer.
Girl 2: I’d hit Peyton. I’d hit his chin, too, if he had. one.
(Guy, girl, arguing on the apartment bus.)
Girl: I’m not a homophobe! Stop putting words in my mouth.
Guy: I’m not! You said you thought being gay was really crazy and weird!
Girl: I never said that.
Guy: Okay, no, you’re right, you didn’t. Sorry.
(Girl, talking on cell phone.)
Girl: I can’t believe she won the Grammy. I hate Taylor Swift. I’m not listening to her again. Unless I’m drunk. Or working out. Or walking to class.
(Guy and girl, talking – from a CC reader.)
Guy: Nose hair trimmers … I think you could use some of those!
(Two girls, leaving an English class.)
Girl 1: Whaddya think?
Girl 2: I think she makes my coochie tingle.
(Guy, confused, on the phone.)
Guy: I don’t get it. Why would you give someone a purple nurple if it didn’t feel really good?
(Guy, introducing another guy to a lunch table.)
Guy 1: This is Josh. He goes to William and Mary.
Guy 2: Oh, Virginia? So you guys, like, bleed Velveeta, right?
(Girls, watching ‘The Lion King.’)
Girl 1: Mm. Jeremy Irons.
Girl 2: Jeremy’s Iron.
Girl 1: Jer – in me – Irons.
(Two girls, on the other end of the dorm hall.)
Girl: I mean … they do it at 9 p.m., then midnight, then 5 a.m. I don’t get it! Is that guy, like, made of dicks or something?