Overheard, With Feeling

Week after week (after week after week…), CollegeCandy and our pal John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, and saddest things he hears on his college campus. And we know he’s not the only one who hears this stuff. Join the Overheard revolution! Listen in on some weirdos’ conversations and share them in the comments or send ‘em over. You know there’s a lot of funny things to be heard on your campus, so take off those (faux) Burberry ear muffs and tune in.

(Two guys, leaving a dining hall with hand sanitizer.)

Guy 1: All right. Sterilized high five!

(Girls, at breakfast.)

Girl 1: How was the party?

Girl 2: Weird. Some guy and his girlfriend trapped me in the bathroom all night.

(Two guys, in line for brunch.)

Guy 1: Man, I got so lucky last night.

Guy 2: Oh dude. Did you do it on her face?

Guy 1: … What? No! I didn’t get beat up!

(Girls, playing video games in the common lounge.)

Girl 1: I don’t like it.

Girl 2: Yeah, it’s a giant talking space vagina.

(Two guys, talking while getting out of bio class.)

Guy: You know, sometimes I feel like I was born as the wrong mammal.

(Guy, talking to another guy outside the infirmary office.)

Guy: You think if I go to the center for students with disabilities, they’ll give me a helper monkey?

(Girl, on the phone.)

Girl: Hey, it’s fine … that’s no skin off my teeth.

(beat)

Girl: Nah. We’ll burn that bridge when we come to it.

(From a reader: Two guys, going to the gym.)

Guy 1: Hey, when you’re running on the treadmill … just imagine you’re getting chased by border patrol.

(Girls, waiting in line at the registrar’s office.)

Girl 1: Did you see those fish tanks on the way in?

Girl 2: Oh my god. I am so hungry.

(Two girls, outside the campus basketball stadium.)

Girl 1: I mean, I don’t see how we can lose.

Girl 2: Maybe if we start taking shots while we’re on the crapper.

The Morning After: Stains on the Futon
The Morning After: Stains on the Futon
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