Life After College: People Hate Me

"Tard pills? Hilarious!"

As every CollegeCandy writer knows, blog commenters can be brutal. Like, kill your self-esteem and make you question everything you’ve ever written brutal. People who you have never met will take the time to dissect your blog and tear it apart sentence by sentence. No typo goes unnoticed and no opinion goes unbashed.

I’m writing for four different blogs now so half my day is consumed with writing them and the other half is spent reading comments filled with racial slurs, homophobic comments, and sentences written in all CAPS. Nothing says “I hate the way you blog about puppies,” like a 6 paragraph comment written in caps and exclamation marks. Sometimes there are so many asterisks in a single word that I can’t even figure out what kind of motherf***ing***tard I am.

I’ve gotten so used to the negative comments that I’ve begun to crave them. It’s kinda like how many people will tell me today that I’m clearly writing from my mom’s basement (I wish…talk about cheap rent and endless things to talk about in therapy). And how many middle-aged men with usernames like DildoMongoDemento can tell me I “forgot to take my retard pills.” Note: If it was true that I forgot to take these so-called retard pills, it would be pretty amazing that I was able to successfully blog and post. Like I am Sam-meets-Forrest-Gump amazing.

However the one comment that never ceases to confuse me is “you sound fat.” I would understand if I was writing blogs titled “100 ways to eat a stick of butter” and “Why you have to order a Bacon-cheeseburger martini this weekend!” But I’m not. And it’s not like I’m blogging about male fashion trends and writing statements like “fedoras are the jelly donut of the fashion world.” If I were, I could stop describing everything with the adjective mouth-watering.

But while I may never figure out why “I sound fat,” or why people feel the need to spend their time tearing me apart, I’ll always appreciate the jaw-dropping offensive comments I receive. For one, it means people are reading what I write (and that’s the ultimate goal of a writer, isn’t it?), and it keeps my ego at a healthy low and ensures that I’m up to speed on all the many ways you can combine curse words and slurs.

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