Tuffy Luv Sez: Find Some Common Ground

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Dear Tuffy Luv,

Please help me. My name is Rob and I really wish I had a girlfriend. I try asking girls at parties and get turned down left and right.

I think I might just be incredibly ugly looking or something. The worst part is I have a lot of respect for girls and would never hurt a girl.

I don’t know what to do. I’m going to die alone. Please help.


Dear Rob,

Oh my God, Rob. Are you serious with this? Are you really going to make me get medieval on your shoop?  SIGHHHHH. Okayyyyy. But you asked for it.

Rob, you fool. You’re not going to die alone.

I don’t know if you’re ugly. You didn’t include a snapshot. And, anyway, Tuffy ain’t no Hot or Not biznatch. But, Rob, Robert, Robby. It’s this ugly lack of confidence that’s gotten you into this girlfriendless pickle.

You know, this is especially timely. Valentine’s Day just passed and a lot of Tuffy’s friends are in a funk. They say, “Tuffy, why didn’t I have a Valentine? Why didn’t anyone send me flowers? Why am I buying up sale candy like chocolate is going extinct?” I say, honeys, it’s because of this (Rob, listen up):

Nobody’s gonna love you if you are down on yourself. Maybe an abusive asshoop will pretend to love you or become obsessed with you so that he can manipulate and control you. But no one is going to love you.

But, Rob and honeys, that is not because no one is ever going to love you! Unless you are a total asshoop yourself, there will be someone (probably many someones) who will fall in love with you for the right reasons, because you are a sweetheart, or because you’re a great friend, or for any number of the reasons that make you you.


So, my advice: Take a breather. Forget about looking for a girlfriend, Rob. Stop asking out every girl you see (because, boy, that ain’t flattering to no one). Don’t just out everything with a hooha–that is a sure way to constant rejection. Take part in activities you enjoy, and meet girls casually that way. Only ask them out AFTER you’ve gotten to know them. When you are genuinely interested in someone because you genuinely click, chances are they’ll be interested in you too.

Don’t get down on yourself, kid. Just stop whining and start listening.

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

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