Shutter Island. Why, Leo, Why?

If you’ve ever seen a scary movie, you know that they’re low budget productions with sh*tty actors and sh*ttier special effects.  I mean, did anyone see House of Wax? No? Yeah, me neither….

Uh, back to my point. Choosing P. Hilton as your leading lady is NOT the way to an Oscar nom, people.  And don’t even get me started on the Saw films (what are we on, Saw XLIV now? Give it up already!). Scary flicks are supposed to be, uh, SCARY, not laughable, and they fail every. single. time. And the trailer for Shutter Island looks to be heading down the same path…only…wait, what?

A horror film directed by Martin Scorcese and starring….LEO!?

Leonardo DiCaprio plays Teddy Daniels, a U.S. Marshall sent to investigate the disappearance of a patient from Shutter Island’s Ashecliff Hospital (for the criminally insane, obvi). While on assignment, he begins to suspect that he is in danger at the hands of the sick and twisted hospital staff.

A desolate island, an insane asylum, creepy balding old people…it sounds like something I’ve seen (and fell asleep during) a million times, covered with some big names.  Why is Scorcese directing something like this. Why does it star DiCaprio, who is arguably the most talented actor our generation has seen? Why does the movie poster look eerily similar to the Haunted Mansion at Disney World?

So many questions.

Although it hasn’t come out yet (and I won’t be waiting in line to see it tonight), it seems to me that this plotline is way beneath it’s star director and A-list leading hottie actor. I wish these two Hollywood rock stars would leave the unrealistic horror flicks to the amateurs (Audrina Patridge), and keep bringing us gems like The Aviator and The Departed.

Because, take away the big names, I have a feeling Shutter Island would go straight to DVD-island.

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