Overheard: Human Sized Hamster Ball

Week after week (after week after week…), CollegeCandy and our pal John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, and saddest things he hears on his college campus. And we know he’s not the only one who hears this stuff. Join the Overheard revolution! Listen in on some weirdos’ conversations and share them in the comments or send ‘em over. You know there’s a lot of funny things to be heard on your campus, so take off those (faux) Burberry ear muffs and tune in.

(Girl, yelling, in a bar bathroom.)

Girl: … I’m NOT PREGNANT!

(Two guys, walking in an apartment parking lot.)

Guy 1: Dude, look at that cat. Is that cat drunk?

Guy 2: No, man, everyone knows cats don’t drink.

(Two girls, walking)

Girl 1: OK, we take this to the grave.

Girl 2: Yeah, no one can find out.

Girl 1: Kinda like the time I cried in the Lizzie McGuire movie.

Girl 2: Or when you peed on Stacie’s boots.

(Girl, guy, playing Wii in the lounge.)

Girl: Ughh! Oh my God! I need some Viagra for video games!

(Guy, girl, in the lunchroom kitchen.)

Guy: Aah! I destroy everything I touch!

Girl: Wait, are you breaking up with me?

Guy: No. Broke a plate.

(Girl, watching TV in the lounge.)

Girl: Oh. I get it. Suddenly it makes sense. Football players are all virgins.

(Two guys, waiting to get into a concert.)

Guy 1: You know what it means to f— a duck, right?

Guy 2: What? Uh, no.

Guy 1: Uh, geez. F— a duck. You know, like … that thing?

Guy 2: I dunno, dude.

Guy 1: Man. Just f— a duck.

(Professor, teaching a communications class.)

Professor: But, you’d never do that. It’d be like … a dozen people, sitting in a room in silence, watching a pair of lips on TV. It would be very European.

(Girls, talking at breakfast.)

Girl 1: I need to purge this pizza from my body.

Girl 2: Uh …

Girl 1: Yup. Exactly as gross as you think.

(Guys, outside a campus wings restaurant.)

Guy: Ughhh. I ate so much. It feels like I just got kicked in the stomach. And their shoe got stuck there.

(Girls, sitting around in the study lounge.)

Girl 1: What’s a fun game?

Girl 2: I have this game called “Loot.” It’s, like, a pirate card game.

Girl 1: Like, cuttin’ throats and swingin’ on rigging. And stabbing people’s eyes, so they bleed everywhere like a bloody duck’s butt.

Morning After: The Sneak
Morning After: The Sneak
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