The 5 Questions We Ask Everyone: Dating Coach, Kira Sabin

Dating is confusing. If it weren’t, we’d all be snuggling up on the couch with our very own Channing Tatum right about now instead of Asking a Dude, watching Tough Love, or keeping Cosmo in business.

Don’t you just wish there was someone out there who could give you all the dating answers and help you navigate the confusing world that is college “dating” (without airing your bizness on a VH1 reality show)?

Well, your prayers have been answered, my lady friends. Meet Kira Sabin, the Stacy London of dating. Kira spends her days giving women the dating makeover they need to help them find love and love themselves along the way. From making over your home (so it’s date friendly) to teaching body language, Kira hones in on what every individual needs to be successful in the world of love so they can find their perfect mate. And she knows what she’s doin!

We didn’t have time for a total dating makeover (we imagine it would take years for this hot mess) but, lucky for us, Kira agreed to sit down and give us a little insight into the wacky world of college dating. And what she told us has already made a world of difference.

5 Questions for Everyone:

1. What is your most ridiculous college memory?
My senior year, my friends and I went through a drunken topless phase where we would take pictures around campus, topless.  Although we never got caught (by the authorities at least), my mother found the pictures a few years later.  Ummm…..awkward.

2. What are 5 things you can’t live without?
My Mac, good coffee, sushi, hot baths and champagne.

3. What’s your favorite song to belt out in the car/at the bar/at karaoke?
In the car – Imogen Heap,  Hide and Seek.  In the bar –  Pat Benetar, Love is a Battlefield. Karaoke –  Neil Diamond , Sweet Caroline.  Who doesn’t love Neil?

4. What’s your personal motto/advice you live by?
You get what you focus on, so you might as well focus on what you want.

5. In ten years you will be….
Living in my villa in Italy, drinking great wine every day and solving the world’s dating dilemmas one at a time.

5 Questions Just for Kira:

1. Why is it so hard to get a guy to commit at our age?
I always go back to the idea that we are treated as we ask to be treated.  I think the main problem is that women never ask.  There is a lot of hooking up and fun, but women assume that it is turning into a relationship and men assume it is “hooking up and fun”. See the disconnect?  The next  time a guy hits on you, give him your number and *gasp* go out on a real date.  It doesn’t have to be expensive or fancy, but just time to get to know each other without friends and alcohol.  This lets him know you are interested in more than just fun.  If he doesn’t call….he wasn’t worth it anyway.

2. I feel like I meet the same jerks over and over again. What am I doing wrong?
You might need to look at what you are putting out there.  In the past, when I felt I was attracting negative, unhappy people it was because I was in a negative, unhappy place in my life.  Take a look at your body language, your friends and where you are going.  Mix it up.  Try new places and new things.  One of my favorite strategies for meeting great  guys is to volunteer.  You meet quality people and can feel good about what you have done at the end of the day.

3. How long should I wait to sleep with a new guy for the best chances at a relationship?
It may seem like forever, but I go by the 3 month rule.  As women, there is a chemical (oxytocin) released when we have sex that bonds us to our mate.  That is all well and good when you are in a relationship, but not so good with a guy you just met.  After about 3 months, you will be able to see who that person really is, not just the version they are choosing to show you.  So when you release the oxytocin and bond, it will be for a guy worth picking.

4. Should we wait for a guy to call us, or can we call him?
No matter how much we fight it, guys feel empowered when they get to lead in the relationship.  That is not to say that you are just supposed to sit around waiting.  Make sure that when you are with him, he knows that you are interested and will say yes to a date.  If they think they are possibly going to be turned down they just won’t call.

5. What are the common habits that girls do that guys find annoying? What are common deal breakers?
Everyone’s deal breakers are different.  However, I think one thing that is a common habit among women that isn’t doing anyone any favors is when we over-think things.  As soon as we are interested we are already planning the relationship in our mind, which gets us a ticket on the crazy train.  Then as soon as they didn’t call in the allotted period of time, we are asking ourselves (and everyone we know) “Is he not interested?”  “Did I do something wrong?” “Is it me?”  By the time they do call, you are either so excited that you bend over backwards for them or have already kicked them to the curb.  So do yourself (and everyone you know) a huge favor, slow down and just have fun with it.

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