Week after week (after week after week…), CollegeCandy and our pal John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, and saddest things he hears on his college campus. And we know he’s not the only one who hears this stuff. Join the Overheard revolution! Listen in on some weirdos’ conversations and share them in the comments or send ‘em over. You know there’s a lot of funny things to be heard on your campus, so take off those (faux) Burberry ear muffs and tune in.
(Girls, on a park bench.)
Girl 1: … And he said he was afraid to sleeping with me!
Girl 2: I think he’s gay. Or not human.
Girl 3: Oh no! The cockroach clones again?
(Girls, talking at dinner.)
Girl: Today was horrible.
Girl 2: Yeah?
Girl 1: I had the worst headache. It was so bad, I couldn’t pee.
(Guy and girl, getting something from a vending machine.)
Guy: I love vending machines. I love putting my coins into their slots.
(Guy, girl, talking outside a professor’s office.)
Girl: I think you’re an egotistical idiot, you’re full of s—, stupid and your face looks like a pizza. Woops! Vrrrp! Go back in time 10 seconds.
(Professor, lecturing in class.)
Professor: A meteorologist who doesn’t believe in climate change is like a paleontologist who doesn’t believe in dinosaurs.
(Girl, talking, in a dorm hallway.)
Girl: I’m going to the rumpus room. Do you have any condoms?
(Girls, at breakfast.)
Girl 1: Hey, you got some boyfriend on your shirt.
Girl 2: What? Eew.
Girl 1: No, it’s nothing gross. Just a little bit of your boyfriend.
(Guy, complaining about something.)
Guy: I don’t see why it needs to just be the ‘Vagina Monologues.’ What about the Penis Monologues? What if all I really want to see is a talking d—?
(Guys, waiting at a bus stop.)
Guy 1: Blue line. That’s all mine.
Guy 2: Dude, you can’t leave now. If you leave now, who will I fart on?
Guy 1: An excellent point.
(Guys, talking over lunch. Different guys. Seriously.)
Guy 1: You know, we have all the power of the internet at our disposal … we can connect to anyone, any time, anywhere … we can share all the information in the world.
Guy 2: And all we want to do is show our d—-s to people.