The Morning After: 4 Roommates, One Bad Night

Everyone in college can recall their “worst night” (the night they end up passed out in a pile of woodchips, or walking home at 8AM with a banana costume on), but unfortunately for us, all four of my roommates had ours on the same night.

It was a brisk fall evening, my roommates and I were fully stocked on booze, and there was a very lovely and crowded double kegger down the street. We didn’t even need to get a taxi to get there!  This night was looking good. Only, in reality, the night was a recipe for pure destruction: two of us were recently single, and the other two were well-seasoned single ladies who’d had a long week of studying.  Excited, we each pounded five drinks before even leaving the house.

Upon arriving, we already thought we were the best dancers in the universe and we were feeling pretty good about the previously (now about seven) consumed drinks.  The party was full of cute college boys and girls we knew, the music was loud and, 99% of the time, we were raising the roof and having the “epic night” we had planned for.  The drinking ensued.

Suddenly as quickly as you can say “pop, lock, and drop it” the epic night my roomies had been hoping to endure began to unravel. It began with the cops deciding to join the (mostly underage) party and ended with…. well, let me break the story down by roommate so it’s easier to follow.

Roommate #1 (We will call her “Kristine”)

The entire night, Kristine had been hoping to meet up with a nice young gentleman she had been talking to in class.  He was cute, friendly, and a perfect remedy for her recently ended long-term relationship.  She had tried sloppily talking to him when she arrived, but thanks to the gin and tonics, it was getting pretty difficult to communicate.  In a drunken haze, she had also noticed CuteBoy had been talking up a Freshman that frighteningly resembled  Britney Spears. That called for another shot, or two…. Near ten minutes later, as the cops made their grand entrance, Kristine was diving head first into the (very public) kitchen sink.  Turns out the shots of tequila didn’t agree with her. Between heaving sessions, she looked up at CuteBoy chatting up BritneySpearsGirl. Then, someone dressed up in a cop outfit stepped in front of her hazy view. It took her a moment. “Wait…. what? It’s not Halloween.” And then she ran.  Fast.

Roommate #2 (We will call her “Nicole”)

Nicole was having a great night. She was with a dude she had been dating for a few months, and things were going really well for them.  But, this night in particular (after getting sick in the bathroom, and running away from the cops), her guy took her back to her apartment to sleep. And she took it upon herself to bawl her eyes out and apologize for being so intoxicated. He said it was fine and not to worry, but she insisted it was not… and passed out mid-sentence.  He went home.

Roommate #3 (We will call her “Tiffany”)

When the cops arrived at the party, Tiffany was trapped in the basement.  She made awkward eye contact with a cop as she ran out of the house with red cup in hand. Luckily, her sober friend was there to pick her up.  But alcohol makes you stupid and she ignored the presence of her friend and ran home, alone. Luckily, the cops parked on the street by the house let her go. Fifteen minutes later, after drunk-dialing her crush approximately 80 times, she passed out on the steps of her apartment, 10 feet away from her room.  She later awoke in a puddle of her own drool, collected herself and resorted to the comfort of her own bed.

Roommate #4 (We will call her “Kate”)

This is the most unfortunate story, which is why I have saved it for last.  Kate had been holding hands and receiving free shots from the cutie that lived at the house. And come midnight, it was time to see what his bedroom had to offer. It was fun, for a while, until a cop stormed into the scene, Kate vomited all over the bed (which turned out to be another roommate’s) and she got a ride home from the nice gentleman dressed in the cop outfit. Oh wait, it wasn’t Halloween….

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