The Do’s and Don’ts of St. Patty’s Day

Being that I’m a huge lush college student, I don’t know (nor do I care) if there’s any real historical significance to St. Patrick’s Day besides binge drinking. What I do know is that on March 17th, we’ll all be dressed in green, hanging out of bar windows, and stumbling around campus in various stages of blackout.

Every St. Patrick’s Day when my alarm goes off at 7 a.m., my half-Irish heart flutters as I anticipate the long day of debauchery ahead (I’d like to note that I’ve never scheduled a class earlier than 9:30 because I won’t get out of bed for it, but I will GLADLY rise with the sun for the promise of beer). Since day drinking holidays are marathons and not sprints, I’ve put together a list of do’s and don’ts to help you get the most out of St. Patty’s day. So go ahead, pick out a cute green outfit and make a killer Dropkick Murphy’s playlist, whether you’re Irish or just drink like you are!

Don’t: Go to Class Drunk
St. Patrick’s Day falls on a Wednesday this year, which means many of us have scheduled classes. My advice is to save up your absences so you can take off, but if that’s not possible, wait till afterward to get your drink on! A little Bailey’s mixed in with your coffee is fine, but save the car bombs and beer bongs for later if you plan to sit in lecture. Yes, it may suck to miss out on the festivities, but not as much as it will suck to take notes while the room is spinning.

Do: Coat Your Stomach!
Kegs and eggs are good, but make sure to do more eggs than kegs or you’ll be puking up green beer before lunchtime. And throw some carbs in there too, like a big, doughy bagel with some cream cheese. Not only will this keep you going through this drinkathon, but it will probably be your only opportunity that day to stick to your Spring-Break healthy eating plan; who knows what you’ll be chowing down on after a few hours and countless green drinks?

Don’t: Wear Anything Valuable
This is definitely the day to leave Grandma’s pearl earrings and your J. Crew green cashmere sweater at home. If you’re anything like me, the day will become so long and fuzzy that you won’t even be able to make it home with the plastic shamrock glasses and a green lacy garter you left with (true story). Even if you don’t lose it, it’s not a good idea to risk spilling Kahlua/Guinness/Red Bull/anything on something you care about.

Do: Pace Yourself
Pounding shots or having one too many Irish car bombs as soon as you wake up will have you passed out before your friends even hit the bar/frat party. You want to have fun and enjoy every moment of this day (because let’s face it, after graduation this behavior probably won’t be acceptable) so don’t have more than a couple of drinks every hour, depending on your tolerance and amount of food in your stomach (see above). And mixing too many different drinks is a recipe for disaster, which I learned the hard way (coffee + Bailey’s + beer+ car bombs + cheap vodka + Red Bull= MASSIVE tummy ache). Oh, and leave the green-beer making to the bartenders. Mixing green food coloring with a keg of Natty Ice seems like a good idea in theory, but you wouldn’t believe how hard it is to get that stuff off of your teeth (just trust me on this one).

Don’t: Party TOO Hard
This might be going against what I’ve been saying the entire time, but make sure you set some boundaries, mainly because the cops know what’s up and will be EVERYWHERE. Getting arrested might make for a legendary St. Patty’s Day story, but the popo never think it’s as funny as you do (nor do your parents, or the disciplinary action committee…) And ladies, you may be wearing green beads around your neck, but don’t mistake today for Mardis Gras and try to get more (camera phones are a real bitch). Last but not least, think twice about going home with that guy (even if he’s lookin’ more and more like Colin Farrell with every drink). School’s in sesh Thursday morning and doing the walk of shame in a springy, shamrock headband and smeared green face paint amongst class goers will suck (camera phones are a bitch, take 2).

Do: The Irish Jig
Cuz it’s funny… and probably a lot better than that drunken dance move you usually resort to when Ke$ha starts bumpin’ out of the speakers.

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